Friday, January 16, 2009

Devastating Time Re-Evolving Self

What happens when we are stuck in the creative rut or the author's "dry spell"? How can we reboot that and come out the other end with something which is satisfactory to the ever-expanding creative desires of the soul?

What changes our souls? What makes us abandon that which we thought were? Do you have a self-image? Most do, some don't. Do artists have a self-image. Most do. Because they have to use that image to "sell" their art. To promote their art "product".

What if the "self" of the artist is shook up to the point of the artist questioning to a large degree "who they are"? The self-examination seems like a control mechanism, and unlike the artist, somewhat limiting an artist's concept of "self".
The art product is really the

It is like this; I hate doing dishes. I loathe doing dishes! It is a necessary thing to do, if I want to eat the next meal, but it is so damn time consuming. It takes me away from what I want to really do, write, create, think about my next visual experience, and whatever other joyous things I love to do. But you know it is sweat equity. All this "pain" brings gain. We are refined in the furnace. Our sweat labour promotes further refinement. Really? How? How does my doing dishes make me a better artist?

Well for one thing, I get to think about art when I am doing dishes unless I am multi-tasking, or multi-braining, thinking of too-too much at once. Then that is just OVERLOAD! Perhaps that is what happened to me, when I let myself become too vulnerable to excess stimuli. The gurus idea of "no thyself" means deny the multi-sensory for the internal sensory to exist. The 3 hr tour in the am. is all good, as is the lingering bath with closed eyes and aromatherapy. I am a big nose person. I think I could make zillions smelling fish. I dont know if this is genetic, but I certainly know the power of a good nose. It just makes me think, maybe my senses are just too good, and make things so overloaded as to crash, weaken, desensitize.
Let's face it, the human can only handle so much then the SHOCK effect take effect.
It isnt pretty to see a human coming down from overload. It is not the way it should be, life needs more or less fine tuning, and the individual knows what's best for the best personal fufillment. No wonder. How could I give you anything when I had nothing left to give after being overloaded with sensitory stimuli of unknown worlds. Maybe the otherworldly worlds would be too much for our unit design. Maybe those worlds need to slowly open, refinedly so by those skilled in the Opening the Doors of Perception (got to read that Adolf Huxley book).

You never jump through hoops for me! Well when you provide the means and the ends as an artist you are kind of short-changed because you give more than you take. You can give and give and give til you are blue in the face and nobody will appreciate it until it is taken away. Thus the plight of the mothering instinct. I have to do this, I have to do that. We are our "what we think we are and have to dos". What if I just didnt do what I normally do each day. As a provider I would get arrested. I have a serious job to do, that is not recognized or commensurated in anyway whatsoever. Especially that "taken for granted" feeling I get so often. Crap! When can I say what I am, mean what I say and be who I am without the feeling I am swamped with resposnibility beyond my control. Basically I must find time to find my self again. You can give endlessly to others who do not care, and do not want to help you when that time arrives. It is all overwhelming. I need to step off this train. I need help, someone to take away the burden of being a machine. I need to feel that what I do has meaning, purpose and that I can actually change negative events into positive events. So far, without help, this is impossible. Help is not out there in the way I want it to be, so this will mean I will have to be proactive AND MAKE GOOD THINGS HAPPEN if it kills me! Damn!

No comments:

Post a Comment