Michael Jackson goes back to 1969 for me. As we shared the same birthday, I was always fantasizing about him and others from Tiger Beat magazine. Michael had two looks to him. The first image of Michael I remember is the younger child version. He was such a beautiful singer, like an Irish tenor, hitting the high notes like no other bloke. He had the best moves, and could really bring true feeling to his songs. When he was with the Jackson Five, Michael was immediately recognizable, being the baby, I immediately identified, being the baby of the family. The Jackson Five were so Motown, and Motown was not far from where I lived. I felt like I could visit Michael at his residence, that he would be a good friend. I found Michael very young in appearance. I know all boys my age were always so young and immature, they took longer than grade eight to mature, maybe past highschool to develop into men.
The 60's were all about tv. After having a long crush on Jack London from Oliver (and Mark Lester, although I thought he was too young, they had such boyish charm. It took some time for them to turn into men, but when they did they would be knockouts. I felt like I could wait. These Teen Beat boys were so cute, but I wanted to be their friend mainly, if I should meet them. I would play their records nonstop on my phonograph in my pink room, along with my favourite song I kept playing over and over again until it developed a rooted skip, Spirit in the Sky, by Goldberg.
Yes, of course there were times I dreamed about one day marrying Michael when I looked up his 60's posters, and my Virgo poster, and other Flower Power pictures of that time.Michael reminded me of a neighbour boy who lived across the court were I lived in Toronto. I could fantasize, that was ok, Michael was my man!
Certainly I must have dreamt about marrying every Teen Beat heart-throb, or singer. I loved music. I would sing for hours in my room, to the many records I would purchase or find in my sister's room. It was the right thing to do, to sing, dance, it was normal for every teenage girl to swoon over her throb of the week. Oh yes, I guess I did have a crush on Bobby Sherman and David Cassidy (The Partridge Family). He was Shirley and Jack Jones' son. Jack Jones' was an amazing singer too, sad he died of cancer.
Recently, I felt that Michael had cancer, at least he looked that way. For sure, he was way too thin, emaciated pale face wasting away to 125 lbs. I weighed that in Grade 13 at my skinniest! Not sure how tall Michael was, but he looked to be about 5-10"? Still underweight. There was word that he suffered from anorexia, maybe brought about by what I heard later to be from a tragic childhood, full of abuse. Now I hear that children who suffer abuse often get cancer. The immune system cannot handle the emotional scars. Somehow I feel this was Michael's fate, the thing that killed him. Worry could have done this. It could have been a self-fufilling prophesy, he set up his own "house of cards" because he never adequately dealt with the pain of his past. And it definitely haunted him.
If only I could have helped him, saved himself. It was the from the way he was thinking. Thinking from pain instead of love. He would have been somewhat emotionally cut off from his authentic self. He had this deadly residual pain. Understanding this, I realized Michael was not getting the help he needed. It was all too much for him, and I believe, he unknowingly and slowly, subconsciously killing himself.
Now I find out that my dear Mark Lester (Oliver) were old friends of the Jacksons. It doesnt surprise me, the entertainment family is fairly insular and contained. I was shocked to hear Mark Lester say that Michael never did drugs, did say he hated them. It seemed that he may have died from an drug overdose. Michael's life was not tragic in the 60's. He looked so happy, singing and dancing with his brothers The Jackson Five.
I always sang to the music of Michael Jackson, and had this new hip music to listen to, and I really liked it. It made ne want to dance. It made me feel very happy.
Michael was famous then, but not to the same extent when he died. I was writing a shortstory on the Elvis Festival and mentioned the day the music died. And then I go onto Twitter and find out, Michael was rushed to the hospital with a possible heart attack. He was way too young to die.
Listening today to my Michael Jackson CD Dangerous (I love it) and Bad today I hear some premontion in his songs, like he knew he was dying. Definitely something was odd about his nose, like he had a prosthetic nose, maybe from skin cancer? It could be. Keeping his sickness and approaching death quiet would be the best PR and it was a sad thing to watch because I secretly knew he was vulnerable, and perhaps dying a slow death. Who wants to hear of a dying rock star, it is not sexy, not romantic at all. I know he silently suffered. Yet his heart was so big for the kids. He was terribly misunderstood. He created a veil of confusion about the real Michael. Was it Michael or the Masks he liked to or had to hide behind. It was just two days ago I heard Michael was suffering from lupus.
Lupus. Yes, that certainly would kill him. It would also make him innocent from the accusastions. Pills for lupus often create a problem in the erectile department as in dysfunction. So who is trying to zoom whom? It is obvious to me the claimants were just in it for the money. Michael had no protection it seemed to me. He, like the circus-freakish things he liked became the freak. He seem to wallow in his 'freakhood" That's ok. That's original, he's Michael Jackson, our Michael Jackson. Rest In Peace Dear Michael, you are an Angel today as you were in life. Namaste my friend!
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