TODAY I RECEIVED THIS EMAIL IN MY EMAIL INBOX FROM Christian Carter (reprinted below)
further to this GET BACK YOUR MAN article below scenario..hear yea hear yea...MILADY SPEAKS...
from the office of CHICCOREAL..AKA..YOU KNOW WHO...BE AWARE THERE IS MUCH GRAPHIC HONESTY
Holy crap...The half way shit stick is the turning point
"I'm 50" for friggin sake. I am going through overwhelming mad menopause. I have fluctuations in hormones that make me want to pogo stick on the nearest or fartherest (which is what my old bf is) and these old emotions are tied to the fact my past was so damn imperfect.
I wanted all that I had imagined as still escape to in my fantasy world. Sorry I used you for that template of love I thought I had and entwined in my celtic designed early imprinting.
I am sorry I imagined you again. I guess I felt lonely, ugly, unloved, without the abilities to be able to fully express all that was in me. Like all those multiple orgasms I missed but was more than capable of, but mena arent enough men lately or something about cukes, I dont know.
I never will understand as long as I live as men, on the most part are so emotionally unavailable.Men are mostly nothing more than dick in pants, let's face it. Most Mean ARE EMOTIVELY AND EMPATHETICALLY RETARDED beyond belief. They have no clue as to the romantic arts of Dona Juanism. They are just clueles and babies, self-serving, boring. dull, uninteresting, clones, bots, automatons..you know what I mean. Not to be insulting to men, dont get me wrong. I LOVE MEN. Too much. And the wrong men, all the time it seems. But where are Spanish lovers when you need them. Invariably when they are good in bed they are lousey at being partners. There is never any compromise. There is no middle ground. When you look for a hubby, look for someone who is middle ground because you need that. Have a wild lover who knows love, but cant give you a day to day life. So this is my burden with men.
Oh well.
Please realize my lack of hope or rather NO HOPE (Bob IS my Uncle)...unless men have found that new hormone which once wholly a woman's hormone domain is now available to them.THEN WHY IS MY MAN SO EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE, YET I THINK OF THE PAST IMPRINTS???I GUESS IT IS the fact of ACCEPTABility...I HAVE TO FIND APPROVAL FROM MOMMY AND DADDY WHICH i had thought may have happened way back when with virgin skin i Loved you..but then you point out BRUCE..LEAVE BRUCE THE F OUT OF THIS..I WAS INTO GLORIA STEINEM...IT IS PERSONAL...I WILL WORK THROUGH THIS WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A PEEP FROM ME UNLESS YOU PEEP IN MY HIGHLY PERS DIARIES HERE AND FOR THAT I DID SAY ENTER AT OWN RISK..DANGER! EXCUSEZ MON PETIT...the tinpan man heartless, emotionally unavailable and...dangerous. If he ever came back with his heart on his sleeve my desire and fire in my pants would burn us both up. Not healthy!BUT I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU ANYWAY, JUST NOT RIGHT NOW, IN THIS LIFETIME UNLESS...WELL AS I SAID...IF IT DIDNT WORK OUT THE FIRST TIME WHY WOULD IT WORK OUT NOW. DO ME A FAVOUR; FIND YOUR EMOTIONAL SELF. THIS WOULD BE A FIRST STEP TO DATING ME AGAIN. IF NOT, FORGET IT BABY...I AM GOING SOUTH MYSELF! LOL, JANE THROBBING WITH DESIRES FROM ANCIENT PASSIONS
Dear Jane,(oh no, not a Dear "Jane" letter! I got this in my email; URL below)...
Dear Christian, I'm sorry but I need to ask you a
question. I need advice and help. Me and my
ex have been together off and on many times,
recently we just broke up and now he's dating
someone else. (he doesn't know what he wants)
But I know he still has very big feelings for me
and I want advice and help on getting him back.
Even though he's dating someone right now, he
still has feelings for me, and I need help on
getting him back with me and not with her.
Please help!
Sincerely,
Needy and Hopeless
***MY ANSWER***
Thanks for writing, your email has about 147
great things here.
Let's look at a few of them....
The first important issue is that you're
ignoring all the important signs your ex is
giving you.
Please don't be naive...
Wake up!
Realize what's going on here.
If he's dating someone else, you've got to
start moving on.
He doesn't share your feelings of wanting to
back together.
If you challenge this idea, you need to
recognize that he's not in the right place in
his life to share what you want with him.
This doesn't mean you should to go out and
try to date right now, but you need to take your
mind off him.
This is hard for a woman when you still have
feelings for him.... but you're setting yourself
up for ALL KINDS of pain and disappointment.
Yeah, I've seen couples get back together
like this... but the odds are things don't look
good for this old relationship.
The more you can distance yourself from your ex
whose dating another woman, the happier you'll be.
Trust me.
And I know doing this is tough, but you've got
to.
You're also making a lot of assumptions about
his feelings when you say "he has very big
feelings for me" when you know he's dating someone
else.
Thinking about this only keeps you stuck on
him and his feelings.
If you listen to the signals your ex is sending
you, you'll see that his "feelings" are just his
way of holding onto you for his own comfort.
He's already dating another woman.
That should give you a clear idea of where his
mind is at (not focused on getting back with you)
and what his "feelings" TRULY are.
Here's what I want you to do first and
foremost....
Think about making some decisions for YOURSELF.
Right now it sounds like your waiting for him
to make all the decisions.
Think about what YOU WANT to be happy, and
remember all the things your ex has done and said
to let you know he's not committed to sharing his
love with you.
If you give him and yourself some space, a
funny thing might happen you won't expect....
Your ex-boyfriend won't have the comfort of two
women who both want his affection.
He won't know that you're still there waiting
for him - and this will trigger thoughts and
actions in him that will ultimately help resolve
your situation.
Until then....
For your own well-being, it's important you
let him know he can't keep sharing his intimate
feelings with you while he's dating another woman.
HERE'S A RULE YOU NEED TO REMEMEBER:
****
Never allow men who have "someone else" in their
life to keep sharing and expressing their feelings
for you.
****
It's wrong on several levels... for you most of
all.
When a man can have the affection of two women,
and he's in a place where he's emotionally
non-committed to neither, odds are he will try to
keep this situation going for as long as possible!
Not all men would do this, but men who are
"unavailable," as it sounds your ex is, can
continue multiple intimate situations at once.
You don't want to date a man that's in this
place in his life..... and I know because I've
been this guy in my past!
NO AMOUNT of talking, experience or reasoning
with him can get him to feel the way you want him
to feel.
You can't change a man's emotional depth and
where he's at in his life.
"Getting him back" is a bad idea.
Rarely does this give you what you think you
want.
It's a losing battle, and you're going to end
up being hurt or upset again as you undoubtedly
keep moving farther and farther away from what YOU
ideally want and closer and closer to whatever
strange and unhealthy situation he's creating.
If you feel like you HAVE to see this
through, then be careful. You're going against
the odds.
Don't be "that girl."
And I promise that you'll ruin your chances if
you think you can "convince" him to come back to
you through shows of affection, appeals to his
desires or other "gifts" to bribe him.
I've watched this EXACT thing unfold so many
times.
IT DOESN'T WORK!
Instead, you should think about the times
you've broken up and the times you've seen that
he wasn't personally ready for a relationship.
Those things are as real as the strong feelings
and emotions you feel that keeps you coming back.
Use the issues and challenges you had together
as a guide or a reminder of what's keeping you two
apart now.
And once you start doing this, I think you're
going to be strangely surprised at what starts to
happen for you...
Once your guy notices that he doesn't have you
waiting around for him like a puppy dog to figure
it out, while he's off doing god knows what with
other women, there's going to be a big change in
his attitude and behavior.
It doesn't make "sense," but that's how it
WORKS.
****
THE CRITICAL SKILLS OF UNDERSTANDING MEN'S SIGNALS AND
IDENTIFYING GOOD MEN FROM "UNAVAILABLE TOADS"....
****
You've got to learn to understand and identify
"EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE" men.
If a man doesn't know what he wants, he
generally doesn't want what he's got.
This may sound harsh, but it's the truth of the
situation. And even when it isn't completely true,
it's a good rule to go by.
A good man who is the right person and wants to
be with you will find his own way to his
"Emotional Truth."
If his truth is that he wants to be with you,
or not be with you, you have to respect that.
But I see women do it all the time.
The guy will be sending all kinds of subtle
(or even direct) signs that he's not "available"
or interested in something "serious", but the
woman ignores them and just pays attention to the
fact that he likes being with her when they're
together.
In other words, she substitutes the physical
connection, or even the occasional emotional
connection, for the real relationship she wants
to be in.
WRONG!
Men have a different "love equation" from
women:
A strong connection does NOT necessarily equal
any interest in a relationship.
That's why it's CRITICAL that women learn to
read the signals that a man sends about where
he's at.
Because he's surely not going to just lay it
all out there for you.
I promise.
If he does, write me an email, tell me all
about it,and give me his mailing address so I can
send him his prize.
When a guy isn't interested in a relationship,
and he's doing something like seeing other women,
here's what most women start doing that makes
things go from bad to worse...
They start trying to "fix" things, and "fix"
the guy.
And then comes the "convincing" behavior,
trying to convince the man that they are the
right one for him, and that because they have
such a great connection, a loving "relationship"
is the only right way to go.
I know, it sounds bizarre.
Why would a man have a great woman and a great
connection with her that felt amazing when they
were together, and not want a relationship?
I'll get to that later...
The thing I'm worried about here for you is
that in trying to get your guy back, you're
making these mistakes that are like
"man-repellent."
So I'll say it again.
You can't convince a man to want to be with
you.
I don't know the specifics surrounding your
off-and-on with the ex, but it speaks volumes.
Especially when it's combined with him not
"knowing what he wants."
This is CLASSIC man-speak for "I'm not
emotionally available and I'm not ready for a
real relationship".
When he can't get in touch with his feelings
and isn't open to exploring them, it's a text-book
case of unavailability.
I don't mean that he can't share feelings or
some level of intimacy with you....
In fact, I'm sure he still likes to connect
with you when things are easy-going and he's not
feeling "pressure" around you.
But your ex sharing his feelings with you can
easily confuse you into thinking that he is
potentially the right guy and ready for a
long-term relationship.
I'm sure you've seen this since you've been
back and forth with him. But when a guy is
unavailable, he has a fear of getting deeper
into a relationship that he knows he's not ready
for.
In his own way he's tried to tell you this several
times.
Here's what he's saying:
Yes, I have "feelings" for you.
And no... that doesn't mean I want to be in a
relationship with you and be faithful.
Take some time to think about the past with
your ex, and then compare that to what will
honestly make YOU happy, and what kind of
relationship you want in your future.
If you're honest about it with yourself, I
don't think he'll fit well into that based on his
actions and behavior.
Put more value on his actions, not his words.
Get back to the things that you enjoy, the
places you like to go and avoid places or things
you used to do or see with your ex.
Spend some time with your friends and give
yourself the space you deserve.
The less you talk about your ex and this
situation for now, the better off you'll be.
And I think you'll be amazed at the results.
First, I think you'll just plain old feel
better.
But even better than that, you'll be breaking
the old connection that you had with your ex.
And as counterintuitive as it sounds, breaking
out of your old connection is actually the thing
that's going to change the situation for you the
most and help get you the results you want.
Right now, your convincing him and your wanting
him back, even when he's with another woman, is
making you come off in all kinds of ways that men
just don't respond well to.
I know it seems like the best idea to keep
trying to stay in touch with him and keep the
connection alive.
But the truth is that you're just keeping this
same old situation alive by pumping your time and
attention into it.
If instead, you step back and stop chasing him
or trying to convince him you're the right woman,
you'll have an opportunity to do something that
can honestly be ATTRACTIVE to him-
You first leave a space that he'll not
recognize and not understand, which will first
get him thinking about you and then wondering why
you aren't acting the way you used to.
Men love "new" things and curiosities.
Plus, you'll also be able to give him the
space he's tried asking you for in his
emotionally-retarded, unavailable "man-speak."
Something funny happens when a man gets the
space he asked for-
If you do it in the right way, he's forced to
deal with himself and his own feelings to figure
out that all the things he is worried about,
afraid of, fearful of "committing to", etc.
And being by himself, he'll see that these
things are really just in his own mind - and not
bad things about YOU.
In other words - he won't keep taking all the
old "stuff" from the past that wasn't working and
keep identifying it with YOU.
But you've to go know the way to "re-wire"
the connection once you've broken the old one.
And if you can do this, I guarantee he'll come
calling wondering about you.
In my ebook, "Catch Him And Keep Him", I detail
specific ways to communicate with men that will
help you build that new connection.
There are several psychological and behavioral
"keys" that will help to open a man up, and just
as importantly, make him feel that electric kind
of ATTRACTION for you.
I'm talking about the kind of attraction that
gets a guy feeling, at a deep level, that he
wants to be with you right now AND far into the
future.
This goes for the "unavailable" guys too who
seem to keep withdrawing and don't communicate
much about their feelings or what they want.
These guys are the toughest ones.
If there's just ONE PIECE OF ADVICE that holds
more power for women than any other when it comes
to men, it's this concept of only dating
emotionally-available men.
In my ebook, I also talk about how to identify
good men from the "unavailable" ones.
If you're dating, wouldn't it be great to know
what kind of guy you're dealing with FROM THE
START?
And if think you're already got an unavailable
guy on your hands, and you're wondering what you
can do after all the frustrating disappointments
that have gone on...
There's AN ENTIRE SECTION of the book dedicated
to helping you both understand the emotional world
of a man (yikes, right?) and how to lead him to a
better way of being with and understanding you.
So make the choice to do something about your
love life and create the situation you want in
your life.
Go check out my ebook now.
You can download it and be reading it in just a
couple of minutes.
Check it out here:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/eBook
And best of luck in life and love!
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
P.S. - I'd love to hear your stories, your successes
and things you'd like to know more about when it comes to
dating, relationships and men. And yes, I'm a real guy who
reads my email. Email me if you want to at:
christian@catchhimandkeephim.com
But remember... I get a LOT of email and, unfortunately, I
can't respond to each one. I do read them though, so please
don't take it personally if I can't get back to you.
P.P.S. - If you'd like to get to know about me and how I
got started with the giving advice on relationships and
love, please check out my short bio on my catalog page. I
aslo have a full listing of my programs on here, so if you
would like to shop around for the program that's just right
for you, this is a great place to browse:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/Catalog
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