Sunday, March 8, 2009

Edit: Jilted Lover's Lament Part II

So I grew
to get over you
and leave the
past behind
but this lingering doubt
makes me cringe
when I think about
you and I
way back when

How many tears do I still shed
when I think about
the Horribly Beastly Betrayal
of me that cold January day
way back then a Young and fair Miss
never missed
but by you
intentionally so
that's for sure
for now I know
the ways you
jilted me
were not based
on sound logic
or technique
a la dear john
but rather
a tricky snake like
of which I could not complacently
allow myself to partake

Why would you not have just said
"I'm not interested, babe"
I'm given it all up, I love Cindy Sue Bob"
I would have certainly have
left and frankly
knowing the reason why
you didnt like me
or want me
in your life
that would have been alright
I could have reasoned you had
loved me once, and grew tired
that would make sense
the jilt man hath cometh

Yet you kept me
hanging on a string
as I watching you always ignoring me
glimpses at parties with others
and late nights without a call
afternoons at so and so's house
ever so a bit unravelling
like worn out clothes
my soul
died a little bit more
each day
your iggied girlfriend
cant handle it anymore

while I thought and hoped
that maybe
just maybe
one day
things would get better
all the time
they didnt
and I thought naively now in
hindsight that you'd learn
to love me
like you use to
all over again

Who could ever think
that my life would mean
so very little
to you
when you made me feel
I wasnt worth the time of day
or worth an honest answer
and then I remembered
what you did to me that day

you and I know that there was much more to this than this and that
Like a magician I couldnt see where you
other hand was hidden
under other's double trouble
how did i get mixed up
I'd rather not
If I ever had my drothers

I'm afraid
you had plans to rip out my feelings
and leave me an emotional invalid for life
I really didnt feel I deserve this treatment in anyway whatsoever
If I did, what, then, was the matter?
So unawares was I of your intent
I thought a marriage to you a definite God-scent

history has a way of repeating
look back in time at Midland
maybe not unlike what the Mohawk Indians did
to Jean Brebeuf's martryed heart
you found great pleasure
in cutting me, likewise, apart

Naive me, woe begone
if it were up to me
I'd be with you yet
still maybe even
for this
quote the Raven
who is too afraid to hear
the bitter sound
of retribution
when I tell you
the turtle's truth how I feel
Shouldn't it make us even?

But I never thought
for a moment
you meant
a life a life
mine so ultimately destroyed
by your heartless betrayal
of love's divine trust
why did I feel
in some sick way
i needed you still?

You led me on
and made me feel
less and less
than what I could be
needed to be
or was
but I AM
I stand strong today
I could win this
love's labour Lost
Never to look back
but in anger
at a grievance most

you really did
taking away
my ability to love
ever again
I will have to heal
if I know how to mend

Since you obviously
never really wanted anything
to do with me ever
what was the purpose
in me and you
once you I definitely knew
you found another
many times over
I am heartfelt still
while i was honest with you
you led me on
through the garden gate
and out the back yard

why would you lie so endlessly
to me now
i had a fantasy but for a moment
this had been a real bad dream
did you just not feel
were you just too damn intellectual
to sense my soul
to feel empathy's gene
to sense a young woman's
loving presense?
i thought your soul
you wanted to entwine
with mine?
I'm but a fool!

So you kept me locked away
Peter Piper's Pumpkin Eater
or something to that effect
playing your lovers pretentious games
keeping me dangling
not sampling kisses
and warm embraces
of loves true romances

As I lay hanging by a thread
leading me on
you pulled the strings
I let you lead
drive me around
take control
I should have questioned
whether you ever
had a license to kill
my heart

you really had nothing to dread
I wasnt all that bad
the truth I certainly could handle
if you handed it to me on a kindly platter
instead you served me my sad severed head
one string away
from a dear surgeon's
medical reattachment
you are so damn good

why you were
just plain mean to me
a creepy kind of guy
getting cheap thrills
and puffed out tail feathers
from jilting naive lovers
like me

Don't ever tell me
your true feelings
were honest and sincere
what were your intentions
I can hear my old man repeating
did this scare you away
and make you do to me
what I'd never believe

If I really meant so little to you
how did you feel
I'd feel when you so let me down
I felt
to me your actions
less than
yet so much more than hate

what political game
were you trying to pull
with your dirty trick dancing
that night of my undoing
it was you I blamed
you knew better
didnt you
so what was the game
and why was I the pawn
you fool!

did you
mean for me to go slighty insane
or full blown psychotic
was that your game
or gain by my demise
how could this be so
evil knows no bounds

And sadly
while I came to terms
with neverending self-doubt
and pain
would I ever love again?
could I ever trust a new love again
after this fated fete that year
I did attend?

this game was so cruel to me it seemed
you did not ever say
that I meant nothing to you
did you send that bullet
near my heart or brain
or both
just to make sure
I was dead to you
you could then go on and on
snake dance lover

to remove all doubt
of your past treachery
what powers did you possess
to steamroll my love
like yesterday's trash?

how could you do that
to sweet lil ol' me?
how did i deserve this hate
this spate
this fate
this fait en complete?

you led me on
man you did
for me
a queen to the gallows
i did become
all said
chop off her head
she's no good
let it roll through
the streets
while we continue to party
never mind her
now who are you going to marry?

which party affiliation
did you belong to anyway
I didnt know politics ever
entered love's passionate embrace
keep politics out of the bedroom
or least the party rombus room
Bites N Bits
that whole other ballgame
wasn't meant for me


how wrong could I ever have been
to think I was ever your queen
when you dropped kicked
me to the soul-less
yesterdays garbage
never to return


so savagely ravished
by lying
and conniving
plan b would be good for you
this i could see
it would be the death knell for me

as you buried your bone
like me in my backyard
kill bill
looks tame
in comparison

ravens would
rip out my heart
and soul
with much less
than the
junk yard dog
you had become
to me
You fool!

How could I ever have
allow this to happen
did I not see the signs
and writing on the wall?
not of love but of hate
for me
you seemed destined
to destroy my world
which was too dependent on you
and you led me down
a shady lane
of self-doubt
and recrimination

of your wanderlust
and playboy ways
which beginnings
with whom
when and where
did you begin to deceive?
I could not conceive
how could you do think of doing that?
what did I do to deserve this fate?
Nothing I thought look back on that night

love I thought
would never lie
would never try to destroy a soul
would never try to rip out a heart
and feed it to me
for eternity
this pain will never go away

so savagedly
and for the kill
you lept on my heart
and soul
song lingers so
mever again could I be allowed to grow
love in the belief
I'd be loved in return
without conditional question
point blank:
you entirely ruined me

like the snakes
your ancestors were
where you now reside
those mounds of earth
evil ways entail
plain and simple
true to form
your ways
chill me to the bone

snaking in and out
snakehead popping through
here and there
and everywhere
way too many snakes in the grass
has satan's face
on their behind

chop off their hissin' heads
before they kill the human race
dont belong
love's angels
should never bear
or fear the dread
of fearing to tread

too late for me
I ponder now
how did i miss those signs
the snake man cometh
and I must pack up quick
before I get bit again
by another snakeman's bite
Snakeoil Salesman he is
slick as leatherman's
wet duck's tail

Remember this,
if you dare
Never trust
a snake in the grass
you'll look back in horror
the wake left behind
why did I believed
you when
you said
loved me forever
what a bunch of stinkin'

(and the hurt is still there because of the politics behind the false front facade of you pretending to love me so you could move up in the world at all costs and you could get in there and take away family power like the Cask of the Amontillado...unbelievable that people that are like this can exist and do. Money certainly does nothing for love!)Shit head!

jajo 8 March 09

1 comment:

  1. Edit this stanza:

    You led me on
    and made me feel
    less and less
    than what I could be
    needed to be
    or was to become
    but I AM
    still I am here
    heartbroken but intact
    I stand strong today
    I could eventually win this
    love's labour Lost
    long lost lover's war
    Never to look back
    but in anger
    at a grievance most
    grieviously mete