Sunday, March 8, 2009

Betrayal You Know Whom You Are

Betrayal You Know Whom You Are

So I grew
to get over you
and leave the
past behind
but this lingering doubt
makes me cringe
when I think about
you and I
way back when

How many tears do I still shed
when I think about
the Beastly Betrayal
of me then a Young Miss
never missed
but by you
intentionally so
that's for sure
for now I know
the ways you
jilted me
were not based
on sound logic
or technique
a la dear john
but rather
a tricky snake like
of which I could not complacently take

Why could you not have just said
"I'm not interested, babe"
give it all up, I love Cindy Sue Bob
I would have certainly have
left and frankly
knowing the reason why
you didnt like me
or want me
in your life
I could have reasoned you had
loved me once, and grew tired
that would make sense

How could you keep me
hanging on a string
as I watching you ignore me
glimpses at parties with others
and late nights without a call
afternoons at so and so's house
ever so a bit unravelling
like worn out clothe
my soul
died a little bit more
each day
your iggied girlfriend
cant handle it anymore

while I thought and hoped
that maybe
just maybe
one day
things would get better
all the time
they didnt
and I thought naively now in
hindsight that you'd learn
to love me
like you use to
all over again

Who could ever think
that my life would mean
so very little
to you
when you made me feel
I wasnt worth the time of day
or worth an honest answer
than what you did to me that day

but you and I know that there was more to it than this
i'm afraid
you had plans to rip out my feelings
and leave me an emotionally invalid for life
i really didnt deserve this!
maybe not unlike what the mohawk indians did
to Jean Brebeuf's heart
you found great pleasure
in cutting me apart

Naive me
if it were up to me
I'd be with you
still maybe even yet
for this

but never thought
for a life a life
mine so ultimately destroyed
by your heartless betrayal
of love's divine trust
why did I feel
i needed you still?

You led me on
and made me feel
less and less
than what I could be
taking away
my ability to love
ever again

since you obviously
never really wanted anything
to do with me
you found another
many times over
while i was honest with you
you led me blind

why would you lie
to me
did you just not feel
were you too intellectual
to sense my soul
i thought wanted to entwine
with mine?

and so you kept me locked away
playing your love's pretensious game
keeping me dangling
and hanging by a thread
leading me on
you really had nothing to dread
i wasnt that bad
the truth i could handle
if you handed it to me on a platter
instead of my severed head
one string away
from attachment's reattachment
you are good

why you're
just plain mean
never telling me
your true feelings
meant so little to you
how I felt
to me your actions
less than
yet so much more than hate

what political trick
were you trying to pull
with your dirty dancing tricks
that night of my undoing
it was you I blamed
you knew better
didnt you
so what was the game
and why was I the pawn?

did you
mean for me to go insane
while I came to terms
with neverending self-doubt and pain
would I ever love again?
could I ever trust a new love again
after this fated fete I did attend?

this game was so cruel to me it seemed
you did not ever say
that I meant nothing to you
did you try that bullet
near my brain
to remove all doubt of your treachery
what powers do you possess
to steamroll my love
like yesterday's trash?

how could you do that
to sweet lil ol' me?
how did i deserve this hate
this spate
this fate?

you led me on
a queen to the gallows
chop her head
let in roll through
the streets
while we party
which party did you belong to anyway
I didnt know politics ever
entered love
how wrong i could be
when you dropped kicked
me to the soul-less
yesterdays garbage


so savagely ravished
by lying
and conniving
plan b would be good for you
this i could see

as you buried your bone
like me in my yard
kill bill
looks tame
in comparison

ravens would
rip out my heart
and soul
with much less
than the
junk yard dog
you had become

How could I ever
allow this to happen
did I not see the signs
and wonders
not of love but of hate
for me
you seemed destined
to destroy my world
which was too dependent on you
and you led me down
a shady lane
of self-doubt

of your wanderlust
and playboy ways
which beginnings
with whom
when and where
I could not conceive
how could you do that?
what did I do to deserve this fate?

love I thought
would ever lie
would never try to destroy a soul
would never try to rip out a heart
and feed it to me
for eternity
this pain will never go away

so savagedly
and for the kill
you lept on my heart
and soul
song lingers so
mever again could I be allowed to grow
love in the belief
I'd be loved in return
without question
you entirely ruined me

like the snakes
your ancestors were
where you now reside
those mounds of earth
evil ways
plain and simple
true to form
your ways
chill me to the bone

snaking in and out
snakehead popping through
here and there
and everywhere
way too many snakes in the grass
has satan's face
on their behind

chop off their hissin' heads
before they kill the human race
dont belong
love's angels
should never bear
or fear to dread

too late for me
i ponder now
how did i miss those signs
the snake man cometh
and I must pack up quick
before I get bit again
by another snake bite

Never trust
a snake in the grass
you'll look back in horror
the wake left behind
why did I believed
you when
you said
loved me forever
what a bunch of bs

(and the hurt is still there because of the politics behind the false front facade of you pretending to love me so you could move up in the world at all costs and you could get in there and take away family power like the Cask of the Amontillado...unbelievable that people that are like this can exist and do. Money certainly does nothing for love!)Shit head!

jajo 8 March 09

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