Dear Shanita: Welcome to T2W! Thank-you for your critique, it is most
appreciated! It is amazing how much I am able to absorb here. There
are some very seasoned writers popping in to chat, and I am honoured
to exchange ideas and enjoy others' talented work. Glad to meet your
aquaintance, and I hope you will be here often!gibj
ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "shanitaswaters"
wrote:
>
>
> Hello!
>
> I really liked your descriptive details but (I have a bit of a short
> attention span) I had to keep going back to remember exactly what
was
> happening in the story. Is this how the story began? I'm a little
> lost... But again, very descriptive picture you painted.
>
> Happy Writing,
>
>
> Shanita Waters, CEO
> Author of By His Stripes We Are Healed
> visit my site www.waterplantgrowth.com
>
> Now offering typist/transcription services
>
>
>
>
>
> --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "goddessinbluejeans"
>
> >
> > Excerpt from Victorian Love Letters
> >
> >
> > "Hold on William, it could be a bumpy ride, dear" Aunt
> >
> > Suzie quietly mentioned to her young charge as the graceful
> >
> > and exquistely adorned gentlewoman swirled around to latch
> >
> > the transom. Her voice was tinged with concerned yet
> >
> > serendipiduous humour inflected as her phalo blue coloured
> >
> > taffeta dress swept and swished on the solid ground below.
> >
> > Aunt Suzie slowly leaned lower towards little William, her
> >
> > strikingly classic female form casting a slip of a
> >
> > silhouette on the garden gate in the high noon stilted sun.
> >
> > Aunt Suzie was the epitome of the Gibson Girl of the
> >
> > 1890's. Lusterous dark hair loosely pulled up in a chignon
> >
> > with tendril curls softening the defined skeletal structure
> >
> > of her strong yet refined facial features. Aunt Suzie
> >
> > always appeared to be much younger than her biologic age,
> >
> > and she could giggle like the younger girls with giddishly
> >
> > silly gleeful cajoles.
> >
> > At this moment, Aunt Suzie needed to appear to be stern so
> >
> > that the young man's world would be lovingly directed in
> >
> > the way it should go. Coquettishly tilting her pensive head
> >
> > ever so slightly to the right to catch what the young man
> >
> > was saying three feet beneath her lofty willow tree height.
> >
> > "William!" she implored. Aunt Suzie had noticed that the
> >
> > young man's attention was far from the transom and leaned
> >
> > over the carriage to hear exactly what the young lad was
> >
> > mumbling. "Oh you mustn't mumble dear, Aunt Suzie can't
> >
> > hear you then..." "Sorry, mam..." the little boy of four quietly
> >
> > appealed with genuine concern and a pouty lower lip and
> >
> > those sad blue eyes that shone like glistening diamonds. If
> >
> > hearts could melt William knew how to turn on the heat,
> >
> > using his captivating smile to seal the deal. William's
> >
> > power of persuasion no doubt had been inherited from his
> >
> > father's side of the family.
> >
> > William's much loved nanny Aunt
> >
> > Suzie had raised William from infancy. Today the two would
> >
> > travel abroad to a new land of fashionable people who spoke
> >
> > with unusal accents. William had never travelled outside
> >
> > his cloistered world of the nursery. With a bobbit of corn
> >
> > coloured hair, and a blue and white sailor suit, Will was
> >
> > the epitome of "cutie pie" innocence.
> >
> > Aunt Suzie protectively moved her lilac silk umbrella to
> >
> > cover from the blazing
> >
> > mid-day sun's rays the sensitive skin of the young lad. That was
> >
> > just like Aunt Suzie, always
> >
> > concerned with other's needs before herself. Certainly she
> >
> > would be considered a fine catch for a special and select
> >
> > young gentleman, some day. Although she was not looking for
> >
> > love just yet, she had in the back of her mind that she
> >
> > would find someone to have and hold and forever romantized
> >
> > about forever love.
> >
> > Aunt Suzie would often be found in the stone gated garden reading
> >
> > the endless poems of the romance poet, John Keats. Little
> >
> > William would be lovingly mentored in this way, and could
> >
> > recite in his childish baby voice the poet's famous lines
> >
> > of love and unrequitted love.
> >
> > Aunt Suzie was keenly aware and knew quite certainly that
> >
> > she would find that hidden gem of a man one day. It had
> >
> > been predicted by a gypsy woman near Picadilly Square. The
> >
> > elderly seer had approached Aunt Suzie nearly a year ago on
> >
> > the same Londonderry square while softly selling bread crumbs to
the
> >
> > passing foreign visitors on the square.
> >
> > Matilde the Gypsy
> >
> > would often read the palms of young lovers inbetween flocks
> >
> > of overstuffed pigeons. The hovering birds would lovingly
> >
> > coo for more breadcrumbs and Suzie would toss the
> >
> > breadcrumbs into the air while making a wish three times.
> >
> > It was long known to bring good luck to feed the birds.
> >
> > What Suzie was after was an abundance of good luck and to
> >
> > catch a man a definitive bonus from the little fairie
> >
> > sprites. Gypsy Matilde had sublimely asked Suzie to make a
> >
> > wish when feeding the lowly pigeons. The pigeons must be
> >
> > "airborne with wings flailed" to have her wish come true.
> >
> > Suzie always believed in magic and fairy tales the notion
> >
> > not being foreign to her adventurous mind.
> >
> > It was that brief encounter with the gypsy Matilde that
> >
> > fomented in her mind the need to travel to Paris. All the
> >
> > many memories of that day were detailed by Gypsy Matilde
> >
> > and Suzie felt her calling to obey the woman's insistent request
to
> >
> > flee England as "soon as the first daffodil flower blooms
> >
> > in the spring, whilst you see you first yellow Forsythia
> >
> > flower, make haste to Paris, you will find your true love
> >
> > there".
> >
> > Suzie was overjoyed to pack up her trousseau and
> >
> > head to the City of Light. She had been there before, albeit
briefly,
> >
> > with
> >
> > her family on a summer vacation.
> >
> > She was but a child then. She could recall going to the Loire
> >
> > district, full of lofty castles and fruity red wine and
cathedrals.
> >
> > She could almost smell the ocean air as the woman spake her words
of
> >
> > wisdom.
> >
> > From the frail lady
> >
> > prophetess Suzie had secured her reason to travel once again to
the
> >
> > fine city of Paris.
> >
> > And who could deny another Mother Shipton with such gifted
prophesy!
> >
> > Suzie was certain of one thing; if she could not find her true
love
> >
> > in England, she would seek her true love where the gypsy
foretold, in
> >
> > Paris, the City of Light and hopefully, Love.
> >
> > Yes definitely in Paris Love would find her once and for all. (to
be
> > continued if you'd like...?)GIBJ 3 Aug 08
> >
>
Wed Aug 6, 2008 10:03 pm
Show Message Info
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#37217 of 37766
Msg List
View Source
Use Fixed Width Font
Unwrap Lines
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"goddessinbluejeans"
goddessinblu...
Offline
Send Email
Forward | Delete < Prev Message | Next Message >
Expand Messages Author Sort by Date
Excerpt from Victorian Love Letters - Please Critique Thank-you
Excerpt from Victorian Love Letters "Hold on William, it could be a bumpy ride, dear" Aunt Suzie quietly mentioned to her young charge as the graceful and... goddessinbluejeans
goddessinblu...
Aug 4, 2008
7:31 am
Re: Excerpt from Victorian Love Letters - Please Critique Thank-you
Hello! I really liked your descriptive details but (I have a bit of a short attention span) I had to keep going back to remember exactly what was happening in... shanitaswaters
Aug 6, 2008
8:15 pm
Re: Excerpt from Victorian Love Letters - Please Critique Thank-you
Dear Shanita: Welcome to T2W! Thank-you for your critique, it is most appreciated! It is amazing how much I am able to absorb here. There are some very... goddessinbluejeans
goddessinblu...
Aug 6, 2008
10:45 pm
< Prev Topic | Next Topic >
Message # Search: Advanced Start Topic
SPONSOR RESULTS
Write and Publish Your Own Book
www.BookSurge.com - Through BookSurge, make your
No comments:
Post a Comment