Roll of the Dice

Re: The Role of The Dice


gibj,

The title you are looking for is:

{drum roll...or is it drum role?}

"Know Dice"

Rod
aka albi
http://www.geocities.com/neocoda/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/jumpingstones/

--- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "goddessinbluejeans"
wrote:
>
> Dear Rod: Thank-you for the crit, and I do appreciate the rewrite at
> the end. It does make more sense to change the last line. What would
> be the title then? Wondering and pondering myself to death; do many
> poets do that (the title being the punchline). Thank goodness this
> room doesn't have polls. :)gibj--- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com,
> albiaicehouse wrote:
> >
> > gibj,
> >
> > I like the length and the organization of this poem, but I
> > particularly appreciate the ruminating penetrating insights of this
> poem.
> >
> > Still, I have to say I'd like more hard edged images. Perhaps
> > instances that illustrate the points, rather than being told in
> > generalizations.
> >
> > Do you think this:
> >
> > "We all make plans
> > and they go astray
> > leaves in the celestial ashtray"
> >
> > is so clever as to be distracting? Especially in the middle of the
> verse?
> >
> > I do appreciate the cleverness of the title, but I wonder if you
> > should give it away there, up front. I'd like to see the pun used
> to
> > nail the ending.
> >
> > And speaking of the ending, why not finish with that bang of a pun
> (?)
> > by switching the order to something like:
> >
> > "It is not our Fate but...
> > my friend
> > the role of the dice."
> >
> > Rod
> > aka albi
> > http://www.geocities.com/neocoda/
> > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/jumpingstones/
> >
> >
> > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "goddessinbluejeans"
> > wrote:
> > >
> > > The Role of the Dice
> > >
> > > Today we wake up and wonder
> > > what would it have been like
> > > if we were another
> > > What if...
> > >
> > > The persons we should have been
> > > more lightfilled than shadow
> > > the persons in the picture
> > > much more photogenic than gold
> > >
> > > And yet we are so much more
> > > than the negatives
> > > perfected in every way,
> > > wait...
> > >
> > > yet to be born...
> > > the cosmic egg cracked
> > > the mirror shattered
> > > blueprints asunder
> > > chaos...
> > >
> > > now our lives
> > > look back again
> > > at the expansive sea
> > > the vanishing point...
> > >
> > > .....................Of Eternity
> > >
> > > As we are getting smaller
> > > so we are enlarging
> > > our understanding
> > > of our hopelessness
> > >
> > > We all make plans
> > > and they go astray
> > > leaves in the celestial ashtray
> > > burnished and burnt
> > > pity and shame
> > > our only friends
> > > on life's highway
> > >
> > > It makes one wonder and ponder
> > > where would we have been if...
> > >
> > > we had taken the road less travelled
> > > we had that fateful break
> > > we had married beyond our class
> > > we had won the brass ring
> > > we stayed young forever
> > >
> > > if only we had not gotten
> > > so sick of all this my Sun
> > > we may have realized much earlier
> > > It is not our Fate but...
> > >
> > > the role of the dice
> > > my friend.
> > >
> > > gibj Aug 2008
> > >
> >
>





Tue Aug 19, 2008 2:15 am


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Expand Messages Author Sort by Date
The Role of The Dice
The Role of the Dice Today we wake up and wonder what would it have been like if we were another What if... The persons we should have been more lightfilled... goddessinbluejeans
goddessinblu...
Aug 15, 2008
5:30 pm
Re: The Role of The Dice
gibj, I like the length and the organization of this poem, but I particularly appreciate the ruminating penetrating insights of this poem. Still, I have to say... albiaicehouse
Aug 16, 2008
7:50 pm
Re: The Role of The Dice
Dear Rod: Thank-you for the crit, and I do appreciate the rewrite at the end. It does make more sense to change the last line. What would be the title then?... goddessinbluejeans
goddessinblu...
Aug 18, 2008
5:15 pm
Re: The Role of The Dice
gibj, The title you are looking for is: {drum roll...or is it drum role?} "Know Dice" Rod aka albi http://www.geocities.com/neocoda/ ... albiaicehouse
Aug 19, 2008
9:35 am
Re: The Role of The Dice
Dear Rod: TaTaDa! You're a musician! I get the pun. Why not The Role of The Dinner Rolls, Or Rock N' Role? Reminds me of another short story I will post here... goddessinbluejeans
goddessinblu...
Aug 21, 2008 gibj repost chicco real nov 29 08
9:21 pm


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