gidp,
Sorry, I should have been more specific.
"means of dispatch" was meant to be how the prior murders took
place, what was the murder instrument, where was the location, etc.
"content of the prior notes" was meant to mean what words did the
murderer leave on the notes left at the prior murders.
Part of the fun for the reader is to speculate during the story on
who committed the murders. In your story, you don't introduce too
many characters, so, if we assume you, dear author, are not unkind
enough to bring in a murderer from "left field", we pretty much know
who did it, don't we? If you are unwilling to introduce decoy
culprits, the reader might still be concerned with how and in seeing
how the clues in the notes pertain to each murder.
I strongly recommend that you add these details, as I think this
type of murder mystery demands this process and these features.
Rod
--- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "goddessinbluejeans"
>
> Dear Rod: Thank-you for your critique. Could you please explain
> something further? I am not sure what is meant by;
>
> "the means of dispatch and the content of the
> > prior notes would be nice to have."
>
> What exactly do you mean by "means of dispatch"? Do you mean the
> narration, who is narrating? I think a reporter? First Person
> Omniscent Narrator.
> Prior notes? Do you mean my creative thought bubble blurbs? I
don't
> have any prenotes for this work. Are you suppose to keep the
drafts?
> Honestly, I fly by hy the "seat of my pants" most days, just my
> style.
> The work just formulates, usually. Although sometimes when I am
> writing a longer work (novel) I am will write down all the
various
> intricacies necessary for a detailed format. I sometimes like to
make
> it up as I go along. Is this wrong? Do many other writers do this?
I
> sort of like the organic creation of a piece. It is so formula
> anyway, the detective/mystery short story and is easy to do, like
> telling a campfire story.
>
> You're right as rain about the word exclaimed, although the
character
> is so cool in his rockstar character as to be understated.
Twiggman
> in that "I'm too cool for school" rock star personae probably can
> turn on the cool ipso facto (after the fact). Although
logisitcally
> it does make more sense to have Twiggman appear more animated, as
> in "Let's Party, Let's R-O-C-K!!! ecitement of the event. Thanks
for
> pointing this out, I will have to think more about this, as it is
> early and I need my cup of Java.
>
> I also felt that the junior detectives hiding in the closet could
> have been more described with a comedy routine, but oh
well...maybe
> later
>
> ps. Thanks again, the imput is very much appreciated and will be
> appropriated in the published work. gibj
>
> --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, albiaicehouse
> wrote:
> >
> > gibj,
> >
> > Very organized, although the means of dispatch and the content
of
> the
> > prior notes would be nice to have.
> >
> > Also, the clue or clues in the note that leads to the expected
place
> > and time doesn't shine through.
> >
> > Finally, I would substitute "exclaimed" for "expressed" in:
> >
> > "You're right on Dean Matters!" expressed Twiggman.
> >
> > Rod
> > aka albi
> > http://www.geocities.com/neocoda/
> > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/jumpingstones/
> >
> > --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "goddessinbluejeans"
> >
> > >
> > > Backstage Murder Mystery
> > >
> > > Recently, there had been an alarming amount of rockstar
> > > murders, five in the last three years. The tabloids had
> > > been full of gossip and gory news concerning who could have
> > > committed these ghastly crimes. The only similiarity to the
> > > murders was the note left behind on the mirror of the rock
> > > stars dressing room. This note had been the only clue to
> > > tie in the five murders. Everything else about the murders
> > > was different. The time, place and choice of weapon were
> > > never the same. This had been a very difficult case to
> > > crack.
> > >
> > > This "Whodunit" was not solved yet, and the authorities
> > > were anxious to find the suspect or suspects as soon as
> > > possible. There were rumours that another Backstage Murder
> > > would be committed soon as the sixth month gap was closing
> > > in and fans were becoming edgy.
> > > Recently, the rockstar Twiggman had been receiving
> > > threatening phone calls on his cellphone, calls that never
> > > stated who they were, and with no recognizable voice and
> > > no call display on the phone either.
> > >
> > > Twiggman, a down-under Aussie Rockstar had been becoming
> > > very nervous about the "backstage murders" and the
> > > possibility of him being the next victim. This had caused
> > > Twiggman to drink a lot more heavily than usual. "When are
> > > they going to call Matters?" said Twiggman to Alfred B.
> > > Smeedly, his promoter and publicist. Smeedly, looked over
> > > his bifocals and stated, "Probably when the rain falls on
> > > the plain in Spain". "What does that mean Smeedly? Twiggman
> > > stated. "You take this Backstage Murders abit too lightly,
> > > Smeedly!".Smeedly said,"What's the point in worrying about
> > > it? I am sure they will find the culprit soon enough. He or
> > > she cannot be that smart to outfox Dean Matters of Scotland
> > > Yard and the Interpol police unit."
> > >
> > > Smeedly replied with his best Alfred Hitchcock accent .
> > > "That's true enough, man" replied Twiggman downing his
> > > scotch whiskey. "Care for a swig, Smeedly?", "Oh no thanks,
> > > Twiggman! I prefer Cognac, after 10 pm only. I have to
> > > watch the waste!". It had seemed to Twiggman that Smeedly
> > > had been acting very sketchy lately. "I suppose he is
> > > really freaked out about all his rockstars croaking like
> > > this", Twiggman said to himself. "I guess we are all really
> > > freaked out about it". And with that Twiggman rolled back
> > > and passed out on his dressing room sofa.
> > >
> > > Enter Dean Matters, the best inspector in Scotland Yard.
> > > Although there had been no real suspects to date, Matters
> > > was certain he was onto something. Twiggman had millions of
> > > loyal fans, any of them could have committed the crimes.
> > > Dean Matters was going to make sure that Twiggman was not
> > > going to be the next intended victim of the Backstage
> > > Murderer. Matters had an ace up his sleeve, or two.
> > >
> > > Twiggman had been on a scheduled world tour for the past
> > > six months. After his concert in Tokoyo, during his
> > > intermission of fifteen minutes were he changes costume,
> > > Twiggman noticed a familiar and frightening sight; the
> > > note. The note which was taped to the centre of Twiggman's
> > > makeup mirror above his desk read;
> > >
> > > One, Two,
> > > Three, Four,
> > > Five
> > > Who is the next Rockstar to Die?
> > > Watch yer back, TWIGGMAN!!!!!
> > >
> > > Twiggman looked at the note and turned twenty shades of
> > > pale. "I think I need a drink". He immediately called 9-11
> > > as he was expecting this and was told by Dean Matters to
> > > call him if anything should happen. All rockstars had been
> > > alerted to the notes and knew who to call right away.
> > > When Dean Matters arrived on the 6:00 pm to Tokoyo he went
> > > straight over to the Twiggman Concert. After pushing his
> > > way through the many Japanese fans of Twiggman's he knocked
> > > three times on the rockstar's dressing room door. Twiggman
> > > answered, "Come in Matters". Dean opened the door to see
> > > Twiggman totally wasted. "What happened, am I on?" No,
> > > Twiggman, your cover-band is playing, I think you will be
> > > out of commission for awhile until we figure this out". "No
> > > way, man, I can't do that! I have fans that need me. I am
> > > not letting some vicious backstage murderer destroy my rock
> > > career!". Dean said "Well if you would prefer to go out in
> > > a box, you let me know, and I will be heading back to
> > > Britian presently". "No, no, man you stay, do you have any
> > > leads on this thing? It's killing me one way or another".
> > > "Don't worry, Twiggman, I think I have found out how this
> > > person thinks, and I can guarantee you will not be the next
> > > victim. Let me show you something".
> > >
> > > Dean Matters had brought a blackboard with him and began
> > > describing in detail the five previous notes left behind by
> > > the murderer. It had been very hard to break the case
> > > until Dean Matters found out that the notes were all
> > > encoded in mathematical equations. The notes could be
> > > decoded to find out when, where and how the next murder
> > > would take place.
> > >
> > > Dean had noticed that the criminal or criminals seemed to
> > > be a very intelligent person or persons, and perhaps liked
> > > playing the boardgame Clue. Similar to finding Colonel
> > > Mustard in the Drawing Room with the Noose, the murders
> > > were never the same. Due to the fact that all of the
> > > persons although rockstars, the places and murder weapons
> > > were different. Luckily, Dean Matters found this out
> > > quickly. This time, time would not run out for Twiggman,
> > > Dean Matters was certain of this fact.
> > >
> > > The new note on Twiggman's dressing room mirror was
> > > interpreted by Dean as taking place in Brisbane Australia
> > > concert hall, July 12 concert date, time 11:33 pm. The
> > > formula for the notes was very specific in detail. 11:33 pm
> > > represented the scheduled intermission time of Twiggman's
> > > he would change outfits in his dressing room for the next
> > > set. Dean Matters also figured out that through deductive
> > > reasoning, the murder weapon would be a knife. Dean figured
> > > out the weapon of choice for this murder would be a knife
> > > because the note had read; "watch yer back", a reference to
> > > being knifed in the back. After this analysis, Dean and
> > > Twiggman worked out a plan to catch the would-be backstage
> > > murderer once and for all.
> > >
> > > Brisbane, Australia, July 12th, Twiggman Rocks Concert
> > > Tour. This day Dean Matters had Twiggman's dressing room
> > > rigged with videocams from every angle, and taperecorders
> > > recording every sound. This had been a good thing because
> > > today was the Brisbane Concert and Twiggman was just going
> > > onstage. "Good evening ladies and gents, tonight we are
> > > going to R-O-C-K!!!" Twiggman then began playing his usual
> > > chart-topping hit, with his guitar solos and Elvis-like
> > > movements. It was difficult to disguise his fear tonight
> > > but being the entertainer of such high caliber nobody
> > > really noticed his drunken swagger around the stage, it was
> > > his usual act anyway, being out of it. Twiggman kept
> > > looking at the back of the stage to see what time it read.
> > > "Oh great, almost 11:30 pm, it takes me three minutes to
> > > get to my dressing room".
> > >
> > > Dean Matters had his surveillance team setup outside in a
> > > white unmarked van. Two undercover police officers were
> > > waiting or rather, hiding in Twiggman's dressing room
> > > closet listening for the word "now" from Dean Matters to
> > > take down the stealthy backstage murderer.
> > >
> > > The lights went down onstage and Twiggman excited stage
> > > left and bounced down the stairs and into his dressing
> > > room. All of a sudden the lights went out and a loud
> > > scream came from the dressing room. When the lights came
> > > on again Twiggman had a knife sticking out of his back and
> > > was silenced. "Man down, call 9-ll" stated the shocked
> > > undercover agents into their microphones and who then
> > > emerged from the closet.
> > >
> > > Dean Matters showed up quickly on the scene and had a large
> > > cat-like grin on his face. The two undercover officers
> > > looked back and forth at one another. "Oh Dean, we are
> > > really glad you are here, I am afraid the backstage
> > > murderer got the better of Twiggman, may he rest in peace".
> > >
> > > At this point, Twiggman moans and rolls over and stands up
> > > and pulls the rubber knife from his back. "I guess I won't
> > > be needing this anymore!" And tosses the rubber knife to
> > > the undercover policemen. "I guess it is time to ask
> > > 'Whodunit', eh?"Dean grinned shyly.
> > >
> > > "You will never guess in a million years, Twiggman" stated
> > > Dean Matters factually. "It was your promoter, Alfred B.
> > > Smeedly! Apparently, he was interested in a career as a
suspense
> > > novelist and needed a lot of cash for his new job. So he
> > > was cashing in on his rockstars' insurance policies.
> > > Pretty smart of him, until we figured out how he did it!
> > > It always pays to know what you are signing before signing
> > > any contract. These tricky promoters get you in the fine
> > > print. Best to use a trusted lawyer too. Rock stars have
> > > been signing over their life insurance policy to a very
> > > greedy promoter for a long time but not anymore! Alfred B.
> > > Smeedly is now captured once and for all. His little 'game'
> > > is over." Twiggman stated, "Yah, I guess he got just a
> > > little bit too greedy, that's always the way! Too bad, I
> > > kinda liked Smeedly, but an 'Alfred Hitchcock' he certainly
> > > will never be!"." Probably not an 'Agatha Christie' either!"
> stated
> > > Dean Matters.
> > > "You're right on Dean Matters!" expressed Twiggman.
> > >
> > > The End
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > ---------------------------------------------------------------
---
> ----
> > > ----------
> > > Fine Dining & Fancy Food. Check Out This Collection Of
> Restaurants
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Backstage Murder Mystery
> > >
> > > Recently, there had been an alarming amount of rockstar
murders,
> five
> > > in the last three years. The tabloids had been full of gossip
and
> > > gory news concerning who could have committed these ghastly
> crimes.
> > > The only similiarity to the murders was the note left behind
on
> the
> > > mirror of the rock stars dressing room. This note had been
the
> only
> > > clue to tie in the five murders. Everything else about the
> murders
> > > was different. The time, place and choice of weapon were never
> the
> > > same. This had been a very difficult case to crack.
> > >
> > > This "Whodunit" was not solved yet, and the authorities were
> anxious
> > > to find the suspect or suspects as soon as possible. There
were
> > > rumours that another Backstage Murder would be committed soon
as
> the
> > > sixth month gap was closing in and fans were becoming edgy.
> > >
> > > Recently, the rockstar Twiggman had been receiving threatening
> phone
> > > calls on his cellphone, calls that never stated who they were,
> and
> > > with no recognizable voice and no call display on the phone
> either.
> > >
> > > Twiggman, a down-under Aussie Rockstar had been becoming very
> nervous
> > > about the "backstage murders" and the possibility of him being
> the
> > > next victim. This had caused Twiggman to drink a lot more
heavily
> > > than usual. "When are they going to call Matters?" said
Twiggman
> to
> > > Alfred B. Smeeth, his promoter and publicist. Smeeth, looked
> over
> > > his bifocals and stated, "Probably when the rain falls on the
> plain
> > > in spain". "What does that mean Smeeth? Twiggman stated. "You
> take
> > > this Backstage Murders abit too lightly, Smeeth!".Smeeth
> said,"What's
> > > the point in worrying about it? I am sure they will find the
> culprit
> > > soon enough. He or she cannot be that smart to outfox Dean
> Matters of
> > > Scotland Yard and the Interpol police unit."
> > >
> > > Smeeth replied with his best Alfred Hitchcock
accent . "That's
> true
> > > enough, man" replied Twiggman downing his scotch
whiskey. "Care
> for a
> > > swig, Smeeth?", "Oh no thanks, Twiggman! I prefer Cognac,
after
> 10 pm
> > > only. I have to watch the waste!". It had seemed to Twiggman
that
> > > Smeeth had been acting very sketchy lately. "I suppose he is
> really
> > > freaked out about all his rockstars croaking like this",
Twiggman
> > > said to himself. "I guess we are all really freaked out about
> it".
> > > And with that Twiggman rolled back and passed out on his
dressing
> > > room sofa.
> > >
> > > Enter Dean Matters, the best inspector in Scotland Yard.
Although
> > > there had been no real suspects to date, Matters was certain
he
> was
> > > onto something. Twiggman had millions of loyal fans, any of
them
> > > could have committed the crimes. Dean Matters was going to
make
> sure
> > > that Twiggman was not going to be the next intended victim of
the
> > > Backstage Murderer. Matters had an ace up his sleeve, or two.
> > >
> > > Twiggman had been on a scheduled world tour for the past six
> months.
> > > After his concert in Tokoyo, during his intermission of
fifteen
> > > minutes were he changes costume, Twiggman noticed a familiar
and
> > > frightening sight; the note. The note which was taped to the
> centre
> > > of Twiggman's makeup mirror above his desk read;
> > >
> > > One, Two,
> > > Three, Four,
> > > Five
> > > Who is the next Rockstar to Die?
> > > Watch yer back, TWIGGMAN!!!!!
> > >
> > > Twiggman looked at the note and turned twenty shades of
pale. "I
> > > think I need a drink". He immediately called 9-11 as he was
> > > expecting this and was told by Dean Matters to call him if
> anything
> > > should happen. All rockstars had been alerted to the notes and
> knew
> > > who to call right away.
> > >
> > > When Dean Matters arrived on the 6:00 pm to Tokoyo he went
> straight
> > > over to the Twiggman Concert. After pushing his way through
the
> many
> > > Japanese fans of Twiggman's he knocked three times on the
> rockstar's
> > > dressing room door. Twiggman answered, "Come in Matters".
Dean
> > > opened the door to see Twiggman totally plastered. "What
> happened,
> > > am I on?" No, Twiggman, your cover-band is playing, I think
you
> will
> > > be out of commission for awhile until we figure this out". "No
> way,
> > > man, I can't do that! I have fans that need me. I am not
letting
> some
> > > vicious backstage murderer destroy my rock career!". Dean
> said "Well
> > > if you would prefer to go out in a box, you let me know, and I
> will
> > > be heading back to Britian presently". "No, no, man you stay,
do
> you
> > > have any leads on this thing? It's killing me one way or
> > > another". "Don't worry, Twiggman, I think I have found out how
> this
> > > person thinks, and I can guarantee you will not be the next
> victim.
> > > Let me show you something".
> > >
> > > Dean Matters had brought a blackboard with him and began
> describing
> > > in detail the five previous notes left behind by the
murderer.
> It
> > > had been very hard to break the case until Dean Matters found
out
> > > that the notes were all encoded in mathematical equations.
The
> notes
> > > could be decoded to find out when, where and how the next
murder
> > > would take place.
> > >
> > > Dean had noticed that the criminal or criminals seemed to be
a
> very
> > > intelligent person or persons, and perhaps liked playing the
> > > boardgame Clue. Similar to finding Colonel Mustard in the
Drawing
> > > Room with the Noose, the murders were never the same. Due to
the
> > > fact that all of the persons although rockstars, the places
and
> > > murder weapons were different. Luckily, Dean Matters found
this
> out
> > > quickly. This time, time would not run out for Twiggman, Dean
> Matters
> > > was certain of this fact.
> > >
> > > The new note on Twiggman's dressing room mirror was
interpreted
> by
> > > Dean as taking place in Brisbane Australia concert hall, July
12
> > > concert date, time 11:33 pm. The formula for the notes was
very
> > > specific in detail. 11:33 pm represented the scheduled
> intermission
> > > time of Twiggman's he would change outfits in his dressing
room
> for
> > > the next set. Dean Matters also figured out that through
> deductive
> > > reasoning, the murder weapon would be a knife. Dean figured
out
> the
> > > weapon of choice for this murder would be a knife because the
> note
> > > had read; "watch yer back", a reference to being knifed in the
> back.
> > > After this analysis, Dean and Twiggman worked out a plan to
catch
> the
> > > would-be backstage murderer once and for all.
> > >
> > > Brisbane, Australia, July 12th, Twiggman Rocks Concert Tour.
This
> day
> > > Dean Matters had Twiggman's dressing room rigged with
videocams
> from
> > > every angle, and taperecorders recording every sound. This had
> been a
> > > good thing because today was the Brisbane Concert and
Twiggman
> was
> > > just going onstage. "Good evening ladies and gents, tonight we
> are
> > > going to R-O-C-K!!!" Twiggman then began playing his usual
chart-
> > > topping hit, with his guitar solos and Elvis-like movements.
It
> was
> > > difficult to disguise his fear tonight but being the
entertainer
> of
> > > such high caliber nobody really noticed his drunken swagger
> around
> > > the stage, it was his usual act anyway, being out of it.
> Twiggman
> > > kept looking at the back of the stage to see what time it
> read. "Oh
> > > great, almost 11:30 pm, it takes me three minutes to get to my
> > > dressing room".
> > >
> > > Dean Matters had his surveillance team setup outside in a
white
> > > unmarked van. Two undercover police officers were waiting or
> rather,
> > > hiding in Twiggman's dressing room closet listening for the
> > > word "now" from Dean Matters to take down the stealthy
backstage
> > > murderer.
> > >
> > > The lights went down onstage and Twiggman excited stage left
and
> > > bounced down the stairs and into his dressing room. All of a
> sudden
> > > the lights went out and a loud scream came from the dressing
> room.
> > > When the lights came on again Twiggman had a knife sticking
out
> of
> > > his back and was silenced. "Man down, call 9-ll" stated the
> shocked
> > > undercover agents into their microphones and who then emerged
> from
> > > the closet.
> > >
> > > Dean Matters showed up quickly on the scene and had a large
cat-
> like
> > > grin on his face. The two undercover officers looked back and
> forth
> > > at one another. "Oh Dean, we are really glad you are here, I
am
> > > afraid the backstage murderer got the better of Twiggman, may
he
> rest
> > > in peace".
> > > At this point, Twiggman moans and rolls over and stands up and
> pulls
> > > the rubber knife from his back. "I guess I won't be needing
this
> > > anymore!" And tosses the rubber knife to the undercover
> policemen. "I
> > > guess it is time to ask 'Whodunit', eh?"Dean grinned shyly.
> > >
> > > "You will never guess in a million years, Twiggman" stated
Dean
> > > Matters factually. "It was your promoter, Alfred B. Smeedly".
He
> was
> > > interested in a career as a suspense novelist and needed a lot
of
> > > cash for his new job. So he was cashing in on his rockstars'
> > > insurance policies. Pretty smart of him, until we figured out
> how he
> > > did it! It always pays to know what you are signing before
> signing
> > > any contract. These tricky promoters get you in the fine
print.
> Best
> > > to use a trusted lawyer too. Rock stars have been signing over
> their
> > > life insurance policy to a very greedy promoter for a long
time
> but
> > > not anymore! Alfred B. Smeedly is now captured once and for
all.
> His
> > > little 'game' is over. Twiggman stated, "Yah, I guess he got
just
> a
> > > little bit too greedy, that's always the way! Too bad, I kinda
> liked
> > > Smeedly, but an Alfred Hitchcock he certainly will never
> be!"."Right
> > > on!" stated Dean Matters. gibj 07
> > >
> >
>
Sat Aug 23, 2008 1:25 pm
Show Message Info
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#37296 of 37766
Msg List
View Source
Use Fixed Width Font
Unwrap Lines
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
albiaicehouse
albiaicehouse
Offline
Forward < Prev Message | Next Message >
Expand Messages Author Sort by Date
Backstage Murder Mystery (light summer reading for teens)
Backstage Murder Mystery Recently, there had been an alarming amount of rockstar murders, five in the last three years. The tabloids had been full of gossip... goddessinbluejeans
goddessinblu...
Aug 21, 2008
10:57 pm
Re: Backstage Murder Mystery (light summer reading for teens)
gibj, Very organized, although the means of dispatch and the content of the prior notes would be nice to have. Also, the clue or clues in the note that leads... albiaicehouse
Aug 22, 2008
1:59 am
Re: Backstage Murder Mystery (light summer reading for teens)
Dear Rod: Thank-you for your critique. Could you please explain something further? I am not sure what is meant by; "the means of dispatch and the content of... goddessinbluejeans
goddessinblu...
Aug 22, 2008
1:30 pm
Re: Backstage Murder Mystery (light summer reading for teens)
gidp, Sorry, I should have been more specific. "means of dispatch" was meant to be how the prior murders took place, what was the murder instrument, where was... albiaicehouse
Aug 23, 2008 repost chiccoreal nov 29 08
7:29 pm
< Prev Topic | Next Topic >
Message # Search: Advanced Start Topic
SPONSOR RESULTS
Write-by-the-Lake Writers Retreat
No comments:
Post a Comment