Mother Love Is Divine or Sweat Equity: The Second Life

Re: Mother Love Is Divine or Sweat Equity: The Second Life
Dear Rod:Thank-you for your critique. My work is really way too random, I dothink that is what I am "into" lately! Yes I will rewrite! Although Ioften dislike to go back to do that dreaded "rewrite" Even though Ioften edit it is NEVER my own work...why is that? I just don't likeexamining myself at all, plus I think I will do a lousey job at itYour input really is helpful! It may take a week, but I will do it(rewrite)! Yes I will...(sense anticipation here?)I like to go with the "feeling-flow" and then "leave it alone". Ifind rewrites make me feel like I am going back to something foreign,yesterday and all those uncomfortable past feelings of regret, etcLately I just dont want to go there, move on, forward... You know...?I think I get lost in the "divine" and "commonplace" as well as theshuffle. My inspiration? Leonard Cohen's Beautiful Losers, mixingof the common place with the classic form. Maybe too convoluted formost tastes here. I will try to simlify and stay true to form for thenext time. Hopefully!!!Thanks Rod! Really appreciate the input which I will definitely putto good use! gibj--- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, albiaicehouse wrote:>> GoddessInBlueJeans,>> I've returned to this poem a couple of times.>> It intrigues me.>> Although the start is somewhat vague, it is stirring. And Classic> Greek or Roman in feeling. You have me fully involved up to:>> "Her echoes recalled">> Then you lose me with pizzas and onward.>> You may want to consider staying in that Classical mode from thestart> of the poem for the entire poem.>> Moving past that issue, is this a woman recalling a man?>> The points seem to tumble and I can not separate one from another> reliably. I have the feeling this poem is supposed to tell a story,> but I seem to be clipping the tree tops with no time to see a full> tree. The tree tops go by too fast to comprehend, let alone> appreciate. Perhaps the narrator could tell me all about one of the> trees?>> Food for thought.>> Again, you may have the basis for several poems in here when the> multiple points get their due. I can see hours of fun ahead inthis,> if you so choose.>> Rod> aka albi> http://www.geocities.com/neocoda> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/jumpingstones>>> --- In ticket2write@yahoogroups.com, "goddessinbluejeans"> wrote:> >> > MOTHER LOVE IS DIVINE OR SWEAT EQUITY: THE SECOND LIFE> >> > Angst and anger created amongst the furies> >> > The Ancient Harpies scream> >> > A penetrating high octave range> >> > Raging voices pierced the brutal night> >> > The waves of time and memory> >> > crashed by the lighthouse shore> >> > The mighty din of a thousand waves> >> > Her echoes recalled> >> > You cant pay me back in pizzas> >> > or your ex's regifted> >> > presents of mind and time> >> > Holy Horrors your life back then> >> > She took everything> >> > you dont get because you dont give> >> > you dont have because you dont need> >> > sweat equity> >> > you who know so little of love> >> >> > Remember> >> >> > your new mother> >> > will teach you> >> > will always need you> >> > Remember> >> > Love is Divine> >> >> >> > the other mother taught you> >> > sorrowfulness> >> > unfortunate shameful wrongfulness> >> > Remember> >> > the ways of love> >> > in the real world often> >> > fall apart at the seams> >> > worlds unravelling, all is amiss> >> > target zone home> >> > not good at confrontation> >> > I write poetry> >> > Remember> >> > the new war on terror today> >> > Is a lying heart> >> > Brave lions only guard graves now> >> > Courage...> >> > Remember> >> > you wont die of loneliness> >> > there there now> >> > all is behind you now> >> > Come home to your new Mommy> >>