Saturday, March 20, 2010

Angst Poem #1: "They" Power Freudsters Go Nuts!

Residual bad dreams from the nagging past
haunt today with hopeless doubt
feelings unresolved
lingering longer
on the stairs
waiting to topple
head over heels
why don't heels learn how-to-love?
(they ARE heels after all)
easy to strike the achilles-in-action
that way
two bob on one strike
(two on a match oh-oh!)
a triple threat
when the new babe arrives

you were never meant to meet the grade
you were never born to seize the day
you were never allowed the privledged
sheltered and secured
only for the chosen
you're not it
(an adult game of tag?)

how can you possibly
have any expectations today
knowing what you know
you may
you may think
"they're out to get you"
sound so paranoid
likely a great diagnosis
so you cant be free to be
as you work for "them" remember?
"they" probably are
think of the hierarchy
and wonder no longer
the claim of the chain
around your neck

that corrupt old lineage
so bitter and yet
so unwelcoming of you
you who present
a new form of power
unmeted, unfettered
and so unkind
there world is there's
you know the score
Powerlords 110
You -10 %

from what?

of unravelled power
coming down from overhead
(overheard on the street: who's next?")

Crossed or Uncrossed
lovers or players
they know not the difference
love does not play a part
in the equation
codex like Vale-de-ree song
when all you are is a whipping post
as a whipping boy did you hear?
you need to tear down
(tear these walls down!)
overbearing at times
listen to the man
or else succumb
to the triple threat imposed
not in words
nor by actions of example
who knew so many eyes were
so closed shut
to not let in
the power of love?

meant to be the burden of all
the young virgin enters the
willing to give up
that special something
which held so dear
as life-blood so fresh
could be so much more
until destroyed
in ways and means committee
we'll never understand how
all these hidden drawers
left in ebayance
left in XXX-files
never to see the light of day

for your new role now is
the sin-eater hermit
feeling nothing but bitterness
the sin taste likes *&(^
You don't give up
you eat and eat and eat
others sin up
and spew
where do I go
no wonder there is so much
collorectal cancer!
it is either that or
other's sin in your soul!

Self-Healing Group

There is healing in the realization
that you were nothing more than a poor p pot
nothing more than a label, a joke, a remake
of something that never could or should be
the condemnation
you were free to be
experiencing all the "good"
life has to offer
at least for the capital Greedy's
realize how you were damned by man
in secret hidden cloistered rooms
where you fate was sealed
the day you were born

you made up a new world for you
a world full of sunshine and goodness
abound you had that ability that
really messed with their designs on you
so believe in you no matter who
put you down to the ground and stompled on you
you rise above
this is the human soul
this is heaven touching earth
this is your life no one else's
now you are a healed you can give
until that emotional hollow is filled in
you wallow
you swallow your pride
but it keeps coming back up
until you deal with it
and build a bridge and get over it
release the garbage from your
heart mind and body
the soul will rejoice one day
that you came through the war
and came out the other side

Looking back i can realize now
that not all is golden but
really how could it be
I was never loved in the way
I really needed to be love
there were always "conditions"
where you never stop loving
unless all hope is lost
but this was never my problem
people gave up on me to easily
but why
was it me, them or memorex?
maybe a bit of all three
maybe another realization
coming from a new aging perspective

in the way i needed to be love
where was the love?
it was never really meant for me
but for you who could profit from
the arrangement of the patriarchy
as a woman
as a girl becoming a woman
the door certainly was shut
with labels to keep me out
no forgiveness of sin
only to wallow in never-ending
sinking sand sinners
no one to pull me up out of the mire
but to spit down upon me
with my uplifted hand
withering heights
I fell so far back
no one gets it
the sainthood award for saving my soul
that day
spoken out loud
this isn't love this is hell!

How could life be only this
no one to feed my needy soul
wanting to climb onboard
the love train
and hopefully find
the soul train
where non-stop love reigns
why not for me
what else is life if not for love
no one got this point
so it seems we only find comfort
in the perimeters we make for our hearts
and then
all else is game
and like a deer
stalked through the thick thicket
waiting to end up on somebody's
probably the half-price sales rack!
I lost the prize that prix I never
wanted that &*(% in the first place
maybe that was it
subterfuged to make me flower
and cut me down along with the gower
to glower and glout
and become quite insane
labelled thus my life was their gain
who knew you had power once
until the rug
was pulled
from under you
(by whom? or who?)
and you
so unfortunately
fell to hell
where they wanted you to belong
because that's where they're going
they're never willing to die
to pay the price?
gives me endless sighs!
did that thar they person not know that
the pain it would cause
to manipulate so magificiently
to appear as "god"?

I was about or only thought
how i could do something for them
of course how could I be all that
when really not much success
was waiting for me
when the dumpster was standing by
who threw me out
the baby with the bathwater
did I appear to be unfinished from the maker
and was I being
part of the return to sender
exchange program
whereby all get rich with my demise?

How could I say this, but the hurt was so real
so deliberate
so dagger-like
so nagging now
but still felt
each morning like the morning waft
a feeling of numb
as I slug down more brew
to lessen the feelings
of being of meaning nothing
no how
"you're ugly, you're stupid"
'you're not good enough"
over and over again
turn of the spigot
when is enough
(cry out defy the odds)

beaten down psychologically in this way
makes one change into something other than
that good old plain old dumb old
Zane Grey
Waiting to reclaim the prize
waiting at the door
after detaching my foot
from my detached house
all i could yell then
then the door slammed on my foot
and all laughed out loud
you fool
you are where we want you
make way for the true great!

who were the power lords
whose sway in the wings
never knows the light of day
that secret club of yes men
to this day
never identified
only in effigy
as the sins weighed
how much does a hen weigh
heavy duty sinners
one day...

this sway
only ever knew how
to take away
take a life once thought bright
to destroy a flower
with a gangland stomp
in this way
Unless a hardshell for skin
who would ever mend
of such evil and despicable ways
you all are only foolin' yourselves
when you gonna see the light
(I can pray for this one day)

The greed calling card
came to call at the door
to take away all good
that was yours
hopefully greed will fold
and topple
like you did
when you had reached
the pediment
the predicament
was predictable
and oh so beneficial for
the lovers of greed
the kings of evil

So your world became
a place on permanent downer
depression is like this
pills to pop now
you should have dealt with then
but it was way to big
a feeling to overcome
the hammer coming down
from all points at once
couldn't be possible
shouldn't be possible
but it was
(deal with it)

or stun
or never begun
the way life should be had I not been
would have been better for them
them those them
them I will never know
the motive of them
them, they, those
whose motive unknown
strike fear into hearts
in early years
continuing the blame game
the needed scapegoat
with the gimpy eye
ready to burn er up in the pyre

them thar them that them those
them them them them them
who are them, they, really?

"Live life free or let me die"

jj 20 03 10

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