Jazz: Holy crap Holyfield another dream about the engineer.
Lee: You really always dreamed in colour.
Jazz: Well what do you think?
Lee: I get your point.
Jazz: But to be honest, Lee, lately...
Lee: What Jazz, what is it?
Jazz: There seems to be a focus on..
Lee: On what Jazz?
Jazz: My past imperfect.
Lee: Oh you mean your life that did not go exactly as you planned?
Jazz: Exactly Lee.
Lee: If you asked 100 people in a room if there lives went the way the plan you would get 100 percent negative response. Of this I am sure.
Jazz: Are you really sure Lee?
Lee: No I am not. I have not conducted any surveys in regards to this matter.
Jazz: So here is the scoop. Take it for what you will. It is something I have been meaning to tell some one. These dreams are getting not only odder, and less like the repeat regurgitative dreams of the past, where everything is always the same repeating elements. Today, things finally changed ever so slightly.
Lee: Tell me your dream Jazz.
Jazz: Ok Lee, it's like this; I am back in the past, this time it is with the same familiar yet vacant in my life for thirty year old faces. I still have the same old inadequacy feelings.
Lee: How so?
Jazz: You know, like I am not good enough for them. I lack something they have. They arent interested in me. They want me out of heir lives. I am a secret joke to them.
Lee: You mean you embarass them?
Lee: So you want to understand the meaning of the feeling behind the dream to understand if you can figure out where they were coming from because they were never openly honest with you?
Lee: Go on.
Jazz: Well the dream is another place and time. Not in the old places I lived. This place I will call my Coney Island place. It has that sort of circusy, soupy sales type feel to it, if you get what I mean.
Jazz: Well, the engineer is there with his family. They are moving. None of them like moving in fact they fear moving intensely.
Lee: Do you know why they fear moving?
Jazz: Nobody likes moving really. We all want to establish a base a home base, a place where we can find safety what they call in the dog world; a crate.
Lee: You see that there crate was upset.
Lee: Go on.
Jazz: Ok, um, where was I let me check my notes from 4:20 am.
Lee: Ok, go ahead.
Jazz: Well for awhile I am in this garage where things are getting packed away. There is this emptiness. A hollowness. I had felt this before in prior dreams of the engineer but I didnt understand them. I thought the target of all things feared was me. I have, as you know, be an unconscious and yes sometimes conscious scapegoat for the powermongers.
Lee: What do you mean by scapegoat?
Jazz: Well I was a standing joke. Although in my adolescent mind I was still thinking no one can't just not like me. Even though I may not have all the right stuff to fufill the package dream of the perfected whatever they were hoping to find for their progeny.
Lee: You mean the folks didnt like you, they didnt come right out and tell you, but through their body language, etc. you knew within your intuitive mind, this to be true.
Lee: Go on.
Jazz: Well, I didnt want to be there watching, but there I was again, at the same old haunt.
Lee: But you said it was now another place, like Coney Island?
Jazz: Well, yes, I refer to it as "Coney Island" since I have so many dreams about Coney Island and now Montreal St. Marys Cathedral. Dreams repeat every so often changing slightly, the same hills, sometimes a bit different but it is the feeling which attaches me to the place.
Lee: You place-set with feelings?
Jazz: Yes, I guess you say I do this. Although I am not sure how this works yet, but it is consistently noted lately.
Lee: And what happened in the garage?
Jazz: Well I am going through sort of floating looking at the scene, I am not reacting to anyone. Just watching. I dont normally watch people. It is almost as if they want me to watch them. Like please pay attention to these feelings. I feel maybe I should. I dont like the feelings though, I will go as far as I can. Before things get to hairy.
Lee: What do you mean by "hairy".
Jazz: Too sad, too violent, too destructive to my centre of being.
Lee: Dreams have a tendency to get that way. One minute pleasant a dream the next your in WWIII.
Lee: So you have an "Easy Button" a way out.
Jazz: HP would say that, oh that's the Stapler. I get it.
Look, preprogrammed or not, I am not going to let any program rip out my soul. I have one last vestige of humanity that no one can touch.
Lee: Go ahead this is getting interesting.
Jazz: Thought you'd like this as it has something directly to do with you. And dont we all like things that have something directly to do with us. I think this comes from another clatch key moment of which I had discussed with Aimee earlier.
Lee: Ok, and then...
Jazz: And then..hahah! loved that movie, Hey Dude where's My Car. YOu know..I need these diversions. They come in mighty handy when things get too heavy!
Lee: I know what you mean Jazz, for sure!
Jazz: So back to the dream of the engineer moving, the garage and all that.
Lee: What happens next?
Jazz: Wait and find out. I havent been exactly holding my cards that loosely.
Lee: It is a game.
Jazz: I think so.
Lee: Oh, I see...
Jazz: Yah, it isnt easy being cheesey.
Lee: You want me to pay you for the rest of the dream.
Jazz: That would be nice.
Lee: How much?
Jazz: Depends on what you think they are worth?
Jazz: The intrinsic value. What makes great art? Life!
Jazz: Put you money back in your wallet. I have plenty of old friends in Miami.
Lee: You wouldnt think that.
Jazz: Remember, just because something appears to be so, doesnt make it so.
Lee: For sure, get your point. Been there.
Jazz: To Miami?
Lee: Oh yah, for sure! Man, that is one happenin' place.
Jazz: Yah, i heard. (hears Jan van hammer Tangerine Dream in background). When in Miami why take a trip? It is just that someday, I'd like to travel there on the clatch key real dream too.
Lee: You will have real dreams soon Jazz. I feel it.
Jazz: Seems that all the dreams I want are vanished and now all I am left with is what I like to term as GIGO dreams. Processors from hell dreams. I dont like that. When you really cant control a dang thing in your dreams. Like some preemptive tv program reboot wants to sell you more garbage. When you already own paradise, who needs the crap?
Lee: Get your point Jazz. And back to the engineer.
Jazz: Well it is either the space shuttle becomeing really bright at 6:34 am or out my eastern window Venus became a magnitude 10 star. What's with that?
Lee: Oh that's just the sun hitting off the shuttle at sunrise. It does tend to look a lot brighter right?
Jazz: Scared the bejitterbugs out of me!
Lee: Yah, it does, especially when you have..do you still have agoraphobia?
Jazz: Sometimes. Some times of the year. Not always. As long as I am tethered down and the planets don't "loom".
Lee: You mean you get a sense of distortion?
Jazz: Yah, I thought it was swamp gas. Now you are telling me it is something else. Further than the stratos what is it called again. My brain is being used to pursue other things so I appear really dumb when it comes to the ordinaire.
Lee: You can always look it up later.
Jazz: You know why I am agoraphobic?
Lee: Yah, I think you told me a while ago. The encounter. The missing time. Well that would do it. Dont think it was triggered by EMp's either? Or radon or other gases/elements?
Jazz: Not sure Lee. It is a mystery to me still. All those years ago. When was it, 1976 or l975. Somewhere around your bicentennial I remember that. Ford was in office. That great Michigonian.
Lee: Oh, yeah...
Jazz: Back to the engineer story...
Lee: Yah, I really want to hear this one..
Jazz: You do, really? What do you think I will say that will change even one hair on your head today?
Lee: What hair?
Jazz: You dont see that flaming ball of proto plasma?
Lee: Not as thick as it use to be.
Jazz: The only thing getting thicker is my waist and my brain. Unfortunately.
Lee: The cause of universal atrophy?
Jazz: Definitely. Before I get into the engineer story can I tell you something? Shit I forget what it was. That's why my need to write at this early juncture; before it is gone for good, wasted, done like dinner. I really think i have this inspired need to write. It isnt something I am able to say, no I wont write. It is like I have to write. There is something I have to say. John Meyer; "say what you need to say". Yah, and the synchronicities, it all gets to be a bit much. I guess this is the outcome of synthesization.
Lee: You're probably right as rain Jazz.
Jazz: No shit, man.Seems to be an awful lot of that lately. Yah, what the heck. It is so bright, Venus going through full moon phase or is that the space shuttle. Seems to turn on and off. I remember, looking. Back then. Now, well, If I saw the universe blow up I dont think I'd want to see it until I got to the other side flip of gamma ray. Since I cant remember the pre-empt right now I will clik in later when I feel i can. I just have a lot knocking on the old door knocker right now. Feels a lot is coming together, like missing pieces fitting in. Did see a very interesting and highly synchronistic picture last evening with the young and handsome Paul Drake. Some Venus creature captured. Just seemed odd as I did mention my dear friend (wont say how) and it all just replayed. I keep getting the feeling...well...that he is in my big pic again. The coats.
Lee: What coats?
Jazz: A long time ago I bought my friend a jacket. And I kinda bought one for myself. Like I wanted to be a team. It did not go over big with the engineer. At that point I knew I didnt stand a chance.
Lee: The coats?
Jazz: Yah, I admit, they were tacky. Wind breakers only. I wasnt wealthy. None of my gifts were ever appreciated. Neither was I. Couldnt do a thing to get them to like me.
Dont you hate ppl like that.
Jazz: Very unAmerican.
Jazz: Got me to thinking that there must be ppl better than me that the world is not matched at all. That there are has and has nots and has beens. Made me feel (intuitively) wretched. Sick to my stomach. Like all my dreams just evaporated with that negativity.
Lee: Did you find out where that good old boys negativity stems from?
Jazz: You mean the invisible bhurka?
Jazz. No. It may be a callous way of viewing reality. It may be from years on a form of "front line". It may be that the negativity just crept in over the years. I feel it was from a broken heart. Dont forget rich people are casted out by the casting director usually to the highest bidder The rich only marry rich. This is what they know. They wouldnt want to include anything remotely "inferior" in their grand plans now would they?
Lee: I think I beginning to know where you are going with this?
Jazz: Hope you dont hang up on me. They always hang up on me. Give up on me far too early when I could have been the best thing they ever had going. They are just horrible judges of character and in my case, charm. To them, none of my idiocyncracies matter, my personality was verbotten. It was I was there to fufill just a role for a time. That is all. There was never an intention. Although I always thought that there would be. You see Lee, they are just a very different thinking animal. One I guess I dont mesh with very well. Or maybe they didn't have time to understand me. Maybe it isnt in their agenda to like me. I waste time for them.
Lee: But you are time well wasted, Jazz.
Jazz: hahha, yah!
Lee: Something didnt want you near their inner circle.
Jazz: Exactly. Which got me to thinking like Colombo.
You know you put two and two together, usually adds up to four. What ever kind of Orange Grove'y-ish.
Lee: Yah, I can see that now. Too Bad.
Jazz: Yah, I always felt bad, especially near the end of the relationship. It was abby norman.
Lee: Who is Abby Norman? Abnormal?
Jazz: Yes. Yvery
Lee: Humph. Ticks me off how some ppl get off thinking they are so much better than others. Until something makes them stop in their tracks and they wake up and smell the coffee.
Jazz: I cant drink coffee anymore. Well not much of it. It really bothers me. I get with the caffeine bad hot flashes plus the coffee makes me so darn acidic my god. Burning bum. Plus, I think it smells like..mothballs! Mothman mothballs! I have a feeling...that we are being slightly, ever so...poisoned by pollution...intentional or not. It goes with the times, goes with the territory i suppose. To bad we cant change these bad dreams, never have them, and make for good dreams only. I guess bad dreams make us use to bad things to come in our "privotal key clatch world" the pivotal reality world. Look if we are talking multiverse here we need to refer to some form of pivotal or placement specific reality where these are the perimeters. Seems like perimeters are missing lately.
Lee: They sure the f are.
Jazz: Like "let's get real" or "Get Real" Wayne Dyer. Also another native Michiginian (ginian? hahah! gin). So we tangent for sanity. Divert. Diverse. I hope one day; all your good dreams come true Lee. What you see now made into your happy ending reality.
Lee: Happpy ending?
Jazz: Not what you think
Jazz: Hey you want more info on that dream I have it. I just want you to want it. You know what I mean. You needed fear Jazz or the reaper. Although BOC owes me new eyeballs. You remember. I did save your life remember? One question: How much greener can it get where you are? You have a lot of photochemical pollution. Did where we were originally from that old tar sand. I guess we too dinosaurs should go out for a coffee sometime. Hopefully without acid in it. I meant acidity dont freak. Look. I miss you. I think I am suppose to get in touch with you. Why I dont know. It wouldnt be me at this late stage now would it. Not that I am bored and unable to communicate with anyone properly, oh no. I dont fear that. Well I do. I fear that my dreams, when I had good dreams, where sort of shelved. I am just getting back into the discovery process again. You know. Finding the personal language of the artist. Finding the creative clatch key. It may take awhile. But I think I can start to arrange things like I want them to be. Life has a way of upsetting the apple cart. You know I think this may be for a reason. To teach us something. About ourselves. About others. About life.
Whatever happens to you and me in the future dear friend, I want you to remember this; I love you. And no matter how much you gave me the old heaveho or the old perm iggy...i guess i will always love you and have a fondness for the way i use to believe you to be. And if life changed that, for any reason, it was not reason, it was meant to be. I just didnt want it that way. I have a dream. i had a dream. Kind of buried now.
Lee: My old friend; you can be certain of one thing in this world; i love you. I always will. Nothing will ever stop that. And if you ever do see me again; remember; you will probably end up as an invisible stranger entity in my next incarnation. I guess somethings are meant to be incomplete. You say unfinished business. Dont get out the gatlins just yet. I really dont think st valentine would like to visit Chicago then. I didnt. I wish things could have been different. Oh well. Shrug of shoulders. Guess that's it.
Jazz: Yah, just when you think you have life in the bag, too. But honestly, this time I am going to be way less negative, and a lot more free flow and spontaneous; if that is at all possible in this brave new world or multiverses. Yeah, it is a big ocean out there. "If you love something; let it go. If it was meant to be; it will come back to you." Ever since reading that in the early 70's as well as Jonathan Livingston Seagull I recall, I seriously doubt the road was ever paved with good intentions on most ppls part. Seems like a free for all grab what you can at any cost bargin basement who's got the bigger toys type world. So opposing the training I was given in the parochial schools. I think I should have stuck with servitude. I do best in this capacity. I dont deserve the spoils of war. How can I? I think I am part pacifist. I would want to be. We are forced into the fight because we are dumb or drunk. I think we need to go far beyond this frail thinking and start doing something other than being scared out of our wits. And there arent many of those left. Maybe via poison? Air pollution. Universal atrophy? Seismeic waves. Lets face it. Our civilization is not to the point where i feel we have captured the worse and corked the best. We are all going to be s-kewed if we dont get back on track. What is worng with this picture; EVERYTHING. Need I say more? Call me. Contact me somehow. I just want to hear your voice again. "And I give myself away" U2 until I am no more.
Lee: light nite tonite sleep tight.
Jazz: If coulds were wishes i would.
Lee: lighten up old bird
Jazz: and fly away, bye bye ooohhoohhoohooohoh
Lee: I do miss you so.
Jazz: I know because I miss you slobberbone
Lee: Yah, where can I buy there tape?
Jazz: One more thing; does the blue power ranger mean anything to you? The rocket version?
Jazz: Yah, this is what I am talking about
Jazz: Relax Lee, you know this would happen.
Jazz: You like Jason Frank too?
Someday over the rainbow. Please call me. We have lots to talk about.
Lee: YOu betcha, old pal, old bud, old friend.
Jazz: We'll make a "plan".
Lee: Right on!