About my Religious Experience
I am Catholic,baptized, confirmed but feel I am not spiritually accepted for some reason. I think it has to do with an incident going back to Gr 8 when I was promised to be able to read the 2nd Reading at Mass at 11:00 am Sunday.
To this day, my heart aches with regret as I was told I could not read the Reading as I was a girl.
I really felt like I was a "child of a lesser god". I dont see what my having to be a girl (now a woman) has or had anything to do with being able to read a sermon on the altar.
I guess I will have a hard time dealing with this, as I felt the way it was handled was not fair. I did not go back to the church on Sundays because I felt cheated. I will give respect to those of spirit, who are honestly deserving of that honour. However, I felt my honour as a woman (girl) was shaken and abruptly disrupted my spiritual centre. In this way I have a big gapping hole in my spiritual heart.
Today I feel that there is a cult to religiousity and this is a sin. It is something which makes me gag. I feel if the Monsieugneur was an man of spirit, he would have lead me to Christ, not away from him. Although, I did have remembrances of him, thinking he is like kin, being Irish, being like my grandfather, driving a caddy. But I felt that there was nothing that made him spiritually inferior.
The problem with religions is that they have a heirarchial system which I feel is sometimes a block to a true spiritual path. I feel that if I am to reach out to a religion and they reject me again, I might as well be called "Capstone" (The capstone the builder rejected became the Lords).
So I guess I am trying to say, I want to follow a religion but I will never be a sheeple blindly following a cult. A cult is obvious, as it does not teach from scripture, it does not bring forth a renewal of spirit or fellowship.
If I join a religion (I am still Catholic because I want to believe it gets better all the time, but it must try to include rather than exclude layety). I dont know if I could be a multiplicity of religions. I just dont like the word "religion" I prefer "spiritual" and "enlightened".
My happiest times in my life have been when I have felt totally accepted and loved. I feel the "zen" feelings I feel, being in the "now", achieving spiritual gifts, giving freely, loving dearly, laughing, being in the flow, finding the Truths, all these are important to me.
I want to believe that we are more than we think we are. That the universe is limitless. That we have a purpose and a destiny. That we can make the world heaven, or at least as close to heaven as possible.
We need to find out how. We need to discover our roots of our soul and find where we truly belong, spiritually speaking, and to stay in that wonderful flow as long as we can and to make it last as long as time eternal never ending soul life.
Sending peace and love blessings to fill forever your neverending divine universe of light and Love.