Monday, July 19, 2010

ON THE POETRY BUS by Argent~~~ Dude Was A Dud~~~

Here's some fun for a midsummer poetry workshop; On The Poetry Bus illicits maybe illegally a host of wannabe's maybes. My poetry this week is a mix between the two forms today; the unrequitted love which I am too darn familiar and often focused upon (out damn spot) and the funny flappy slapstick! I find this poem funny; in hindsight of course!

I guess...Here go here;" I say no more say no more."

My Dude Was A Dud

He looked so lovely
sitting there so randy
a right dandy dude
Oh my!
little did I know
I'd rob the cradle
yet lately
He'd become so rude
I thought him candy
but now I dont know
he seems so crude
always insulting
my every move

As I was always waiting
for such a man
who could take charge
and charge it
the whole light brigade
a valentine for keepsies
not on my life
not even in Ploughkeepsie NY
did he keep his promise
for me
this dude was a dud!

He came and went
like a revolving door
messing about
His boots dug deep on his walk about
and me, like Sylvia Plathe
thought she where's the revolver?
or at least a poet's modern-day gas oven
werent to be
Sylvia's mother said Sylvia is missing
left on the 9 o'clock train

not quite the same thing
but big enough to fit
my swelled head tightly meshed
with the he of my dreams
the dreamboat!
said I was pretty
if not a ravishing beautiful
who could not help but float!

Yes he really went to my head
played me like a toy poodle
twirling my hair in tight love knots
why did he play with fire
he knew that I was always
considered a diploidiotic misfitmisses.

Since there was no such thing
back then in the day
as a gas oven big enough
to fit my potato-forned head
to shake and bake
those left over malformed cells
I'd thought that maybe
I'd use something other than
something more befitting
something a-Muse-ing after all
my Beguiling Wiles
said the stars were right tonight
so much to offer
so I thought
little knowledge did had I sought
or had access too, as well
the offer must have expired
the offer must have
bottomed out

although that night he might have said
sweet sixteen
coming on like a dream
that paradise lost
accept in Milton
since my valentine owned once
a tome or two
or croaked thrice
in the moonlight
the bewitching hour
upon the mantle'd placement
that magic moment
Midnight's Special Cluster

courting the fairies
the pinhole cameras
like Sprites turn on the night
flash strobe
Everywhere caught
a deer in the headlights
Eyes open wide

worth the time
seemed awhile to date
So oh dear dreary oh me
he certainly has no designs on me
just a way to pass the time
bored out of his mind
so alone naturally
alone when so in love
his emotions lands laid waste
never visited; often vacant

a dream
of what should be
if it could be
it would have been
never ever to be
Love Sure is Doggone for me
thought a younger version of me
second verse

a pinion I pined
for one more time
like you use to do
just hang out
at the house
next to me for awhile
i thought I caught your smile
i thought I knew yeah for a moment
and then..
you stayed
or played putt-putt
sat pretty
waiting for me to fall
not off that shelf again!

and all the while; it did take time
time your best friend if not the wife
i wanted to be
dreaming of a quick getaway
with someone new
lively and quick
how could i blame you
maybe I wasnt a good mate
although I thought that was all I could be
seeing as the dumbed down had quite an effect on me
other than that...
so the story goes
I thought you liked me?
(if not loved me?)
Why NOt?
Spill the beans
What a dang-gun lie!

while all the while
who knew what you were doing
wish I had a camera on you
I could only fathom a guess
all your misgivings
was my thanksgiving
I was father-confessor
(remember the turkey baster?)
thanks to my crystal ball
balls falls!
I'd never be there
So I dreamed since a youth
one day
without the kids
I'd do it up right
but then again
are you happy with that ring
does it really sing
or just play out
the same old tune?
guys always seem to need variety
you think they were born in bred
in Vaudeville!

dangling so on the wall
the balls chimed
three bongs
from the gong
behind the clock
behind the wall
there was a piece of glass
was I ever a piece of class
or just a piece of crass
Maybe your name should be Rudy
or Kirky Hamilton
or Kirby Armstrong
All these boys
who knew how
to put me in my place
or did this have nothing at all
to do with it?
you were arranged? How?

the time was all I had
you split like
a bat out of hell!
Good riddance Fat Bat!

chasing those chasers
those who skirt the main issues
not hot rocks for me
or rocket science
while hickory dickory dock
ran up that incessant clock
those little chicadees
making issue with hatcheries
why did you fool pour old moi?
the class clown
soon to go down the drain?

where were you when I missed you
played like I dont care
so aloof
you goof!
while to the forest glen went I
pined in the woods for love
unrequitted (here is the prompt!)
and had none
had not any
not a one
sadly bereft of those missed kisses
from cousin divine
(its not what you think, I think?)
missed like misled
a missive
all those clams clammed up tighter
than tom thumbs you know what
important life events
gone like dinner
and so soon after
my graduation
you were too busy
bored of my boring life
or my wedding
are you kidding
you were suppose to be there
like the first born
takes the pirates lode

sure you were just awaiting
waiting in the wings
whilst (I know this)
those ladies in waiting
were no ladies at all
lounging like lounge lizards
in the hall
preemptive my program cancelled
whoop te do basil
you think I give it up
not on your life
would I ever say
go ahead have your way
and then dump me
the my dumpster dweller self
I am not that which you made me be
by proximity
or by proxy
how easy
to demote the thing in the way

hoping for a catch the wave
knowing what I know now
the sucker baits
are just small frys hoping to catch up
you were always looking at the greener grass
instead of considering me grass that was greenest
best grass in town
now that I got your attention
I dont got a nickel or dime
you're so out a here; when only a millionaire
will do
for you're living big now

for someone new to come along
snatched the catch with the crown
tossed this old once glad bag
now the old hag
Effecting Affectations of same
once upon a time
an ounce or pound of flesh
was really very shiny and new
considered now to be less than
the less one can do
thought in this way
so meted out flesh
isnt there a parable I could do for you
out like yesterdays trash
not stashed with the cash
so top drawer
secret worshipper
of the dollar bill
unbeknownst Saint of the Economy
Camel rider from Hell

As many medals I have won
Purple hearts I survived!
onto this chipped shoulder
no i wouldnt quite wink again
it didnt work, wouldnt work
the first time I went away
we're too much alike you and I
distant cousins with clout
That Lout!
did I ever
I never
even once even come
to figuring out
what exactly
what was it all about
all this stuff
behind the scenes
flying machines
wizards behind screens
you were not right for me
(were you ever or just a friend of mine?)
strings pulled
Good Old Boys know
Women dont get it
Kept in the dark
Who marries Whom
A crap game at Caesars
Money marries money
and has got all the right stuff
or so it seems
to those who think they've got it
all in the bag
when Like
Tiger Woods
they have not

rather tagged me
too early
I hadnt much of a chance
not a right to say
you were bloody well right
you had a right to say
not much too much
or you'll give it all away
(you dont want that)
(you didnt want me)
Shouldnt you have said that
directly to me
A direct line to God-ot
my role in this drama
of you and me
is that you
never really knew me
never wanted to know the me
I could have been to you
if you had said ok
and that game
that I never ever really
ever got to play

You blew me off early
not early enough
for me to find out
what the heck were you thinking
I'd handle this stuff
pulled out the rug
and made me hang tough
thank god for latinos
to pick up the slack!

as your desire for twins
two degrees left of whoppers
smattering of showers
those pretty in pink
my eyes did fool me
to think
thinking all the time
all along
you couldnt possibly be
just chiding me along
playing me
I couldnt admit it
you could
i wanted to always say "not"
truth hurts
but I could have handle it
you killed me softly
with no song

As I question
long after never
in hindsight now
the long distant education
told me a thing or two
about love
real love
does not exist!
men in their need for greed
just go to the cash
or whatever seems likely to be the thing
that the other guys like
you see guys try to please other guys
just like women dress for other women
when we get this, I dont know
I got it; but what am I to do with this
stupid knowledge now?

Far from that
I always feared the worse
which made a great
self-fufilling prophesy
of my projection
but I projected the image of me
I got from you
and it wasnt much
you didnt
you couldnt
did you?
a cousin
or some reasonable
Not to worry...I am so over the moon via the cow.

What games people play?
Albert Games...hmmm...
was that why I was never invited to
the wedding
never intended to marry
because being married means
cash cow
on stilettos
not that I feel that I wouldnt mind being a slave
or a genie
or something of a lesser god
that woulda suited you fine
but I'd have freaked out
all agitated
having this compass that points
to the Truth
not some runabout
but that is somehow what you wanted
to get back at me for taking to long
to accept my dingy role
buried alive
zombitized property
so you claim your degree
has so much supremacy over me

can claim that I
as a mere child to your adult brain
needs this straight jacket to tame
the shrewd shrew
cause you werent straight with me
no never ever
so it was fitting that you'd need
to straighten it out for me!

not worthy of your love
you say
so you'd punish me too
in many esoteric ways
what with all those other kinky things
undercover rubber and leather laced up
were you into all that or just
the other kind?
prisoner of love
boy did I figure you all wrong

didnt it or did it ever happen?
did you really find love?
then what was that you had for me
a reasonable facsimile (fax machine)
I just couldnt give you much more than enough
you wanted so much more than I had
you wanted another self
someone just like you
to hold onto
you need to let go of yourself
expand your wings and fly to a distant land
experience Cast Away
in the Casting Room
for a day
To know what you did
when you pulled out the Cooler
think about it~
a clone
of yourself!
and I guess
that really, I just wasnt much of anything
not like the one you traded up 4
I really wanted to do
you in a big way
but the tent
was never set up that way
why did i never figure this out
no wonder you left when i cant figure
a lie
but your lack of emotion for me
was the cincher
made me find those chachacha dance steps
that much faster!

excuse me for being
a living human being
because to you I was neither
or nor
I from the land of Nor?
Nothing I meant to you
Why didnt I see the signs on the wall
upwardly mobile climbers
are just wall climbers after all
respecting not the respecter of persons
as an individual with feelings
what's your opinion on the human race
so feelingless I doubt you ever have given
a second thought to my line of questioning
cause you always got a line or two to use
when in decline

respect I was not ever given
or considered primo
I was sure you hated me
what other reason would you have
for leaving
why did I try
to hold onto for so long
Your right
C'est les incompetent
i should have let go
years past the beginning!

Wait a minute
there's more to get off my chest
you're not getting off
the line of questioning
that'd be way too easy
you narcisstic sarcastic
latent turkey baster
third degree of thirty three
is that PiR2?
Empowerment means "keep em dumbed down?"
Managerial Lament
that's exactly how I felt!

as certainly you gave me this
back then
but I wont go into details
lucky for you
are you actually listening?
to a damn thing I say?
in one ear and out the other
that's where the earworms stay

As now I am mute to your insults
not to worry about the reboot
as I found a new tune
played over and over in the funhouse
Mickey Mouse's clone returned!

So who give a tinkers dam
worldwide who cares
do you
to hear my bitchin' bout the distant
past missing
missing in action
yes I was
missing clues all those naive years ago
yes I did
so what?
who cares?
I dont anymore
I am so immune to insults
I got this leather-bonded shield
I've got this injection of self-importance
the powerful elixir of love
smote me no more
I can honestly say with earnest
I dont need
any more insults

what you gave me
was nothing but a sham
what a shame!
what a shame
what a shame
Mickey Mouse meet Dr. Suess

Ah she's a
heavy metal hoser
dressed like that
cloned by PIN's
i once held tight
believing in something
i can say now
I ne'er knew yea
as your invoice
for mailorder bride
with millions and the degrees
and the perfect skin
to me meant
builtrite by harlot
all the same
just another
small minded
take your medicine
paybacks an itch
carbon copy
cut out in two by two
Now I made three!

mine may not
be quite right
we're all alright here
so what's up yer kilt man?

you preferred dresses anyway
laughed at my behind the shelf
all the while I thought we were tight
then i found out
you didnt ever show your cards
should have given me a clue
held too tight to the chest
something was about to cave
and it was my broken heart
it smarts (and how!)

that game you play
once upon a time
it gave way to another
cutting me off
like a forgotten tribe
as I came crashing down
all about the place

no more
lord it over
boy it's so over!
you no want this woman!
did you ever?
you never did
once ever think of me
no matter
I was scammed
by green eggs and ham

you got the touch
to trade-in
trade up
trader vics
was a bad wick

so to all those kind of guys
out there...
up to your spectacles
pocket and watch
you're there where you wanna be
on my dusty old shelf
collecting memory stuff

so there you go
by little birdie
fly away...
fly away all
mean ol' men
with mean ol' men



  1. I like your poem, and sympathise. But dare I suggest it's over long? The best writing coach I ever had said "You can ALWAYS take 10% of the words out of anything you think is finished. And usually, a further 10% of what's left"

    All good wishes.

  2. Thanks! I never realized how long it was...certainly will try to be shorter next lifetime!

  3. Great poem, Ja. Okay, be honest, how much caffeine have you consumed today? ; ) I admire someone who can write such a long poem, for that is something I just can't do.

  4. I've been there! And when you get started unburdening yourself of those emotions and the 20-20 hindsight, it's hard to stop, so good on you! I love that title and catch phrase, "Dude was a Dud". Sounds like he sure was!


  5. Thanks..folks! You're right as rain! I needed that! Need to find less words more meaning! Think I was thinking I was a female Jack Keruack who didnt believe in the edit button. I will probably maybe one day go back and shave a bit of the top!Tried to stay in the stream of my unrequittedness maybe from another character point of view in the future. Got to stretch these old bones and drink more green tea!

  6. Don't worry, let it all pour out!! You can go over and edit at some later stage. Love all the bizarre rhymes and internal rhymes. Very rappy!

  7. Hey that's how I write just let it erupt like a volcano! Trouble is my lava runs out after 2 mins.Boy, you keep going and going.Don't knock it, it's good to get it out and as pete says, go back to it and pick out the best bits,Dude was a dud is a great title too!

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