Sunday, August 9, 2009

Love No More Opens The Door

through the years
through the tears
i have always been her for you
if you asked
but you never asked

as time went bye
flying so high
alighting on rooftops
and chursh spires
you inspired me

recalling days gone by
bye bye baby left town
returning far to late
her life was rained out

looking around now
there isnt a lot of time
that's how i feel
whether or not it is true
leaves in the pipe

tomorrow doesnt matter
as much as today
hoping to write it all down
before departure
to renewed worlds
for those left with lost worlds
have ever only known
how to fly as everything
flown away from
off the handle to be
blown away our
every last trace
of love

maybe not to late
to cry
or start over
or both
always seems to be
that way
tears flow
then i go
not able to bear
the pain
of having dreams
feelings torn
pain never stops
when love takes
the knowledge of itself
to become some dead thing
once everything
now nothing
as if anything really matters

matter does matter
oh yes
but it does
what's the matter?
matter begins the process
the healing starts now
should start
in a moment
in time
when I held my heart
in an abandoned
reliquary for hearts

the healing process
of self doubt
of stalled processes
love recanted
it can't
Immanuel Kant says it
I think
I am
but not without you
my matey not until our souls
in Four Acts
now under
sea we're set
to wed
the watery grave
Davy Jones locker
far sare
yes me matey
one day
you'll say too
is that all
there is
the "am"
and Popeye's yams?
oops that was spinach!?

one day i hope
it will all
come together
if it dont
i are f'd
nicely said
now get out
the cameo soap
and warsh me mouth
I'll never forget
that picante taste
and my famous last word
beginning with the same
cursed word
that made my mouth fresh
til the next cursed word
came unwantingly out
and stayed out
all night
until it went to bed
for good

my last dying wish
my last dying word
on this earth
this planet of pain
cursed by the light
or some fascimile
if it all must end
dont curse the light
like Dylan Thomas
was wont to do
and it all on the note
that remote note that says
key of "g"
thanks for welcoming me home
Gee, how i missed you
absent Father
caught between a rock
and another hard place
that may be a pillow
for my head
when you lay me down
in fields
of those forever
kind of dreams
with baseball players
and nobody sings
take me out to the ballgame
we're already
Batter's up!

all we are here
cold space and hot plasma balls
cold beer and hot meatballs
refined and redefined
slightly the same
ultimately changed
your destiny
on your thin dime
sectors vectoring and mentoring
altitudes pop off the map
there's no end to the
between us
only that map
i had at the bottom
of the dash
that got scrunched
by my big feet
as i put
four on the floor
of your
four dour coupe
scared as hell
the little minime
pushed dowso hard
swallowed my feer
we're gonna crash
i'm gettin' out here
you know i had to stop the car
by my make-believe
braking method
no control makes me feel
i need Johnson Control Systems
to keep me adrift
maybe that's why
i'm a wing nut
did save your soul
as we were
kareening out of control
i got no commendations
saving a pizza box on fire
alarms saved a sleeping man
confused with forgetfulness
as I pressed down
and met the man of my dreams
who stood a foot above me
and said anything I can do
for you M'am?

yes it was going nowhere
we were out of control
you were vectoring I
was venting
hoping you'd hear
my trash on a crash course
on the radio
you didnt hear me
how could you
know that bottle in front of me
meant i was due for a frontal
i went nuts
trying to figure the
old shit out

so as you went
on your way
i went mine
and wondered what if
i hadnt taken that
road less travelled
but given to me
by my cultural geography teacher
making curried lamb with a friend
more of my kind
messed up
f'd up
because of life's design
not my doing
but given to me
a mantel to bear
a purposeful bearing
a model of under

by the engine
my car door
last I saw of you
like I was nothing already
i never mattered to you
i was a flower picked
for what purpose
i'll never know
but i guess
it had something to do with
my relativity
that didnt want me
to go the way
you were going
because i was meant
to be their moll
a stooly
tooling around
looking for love
why not become a nun
no, I'll work for the
and make meaning
for somebody else
martyr's dont come cheap

everything here
means nothing
only recalling
the recalcitrant memories
when someone
meant something
to me one day
now i must rebuild
the universe
without you


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