Hollow Sleep

A buzz in my ears wakes me each night at exactly 3 am
I dont want to wake but I do
in autonomic way; preprogrammed by?
sure that's possible
although how are we suppose to think
when we cant

dreams gone
hopes dashed
crashing loggerhead turtles
you didnt think you were connected
to us
because you
felt connected to them
and i guess for you
ne'er the twain would meet

if i sense something up
it is true
you were really messed up
because you see
what they see
you got in their heads
and their heads
a living hell

who wouldnt go nuts
but really no life-lines out there
no last minute reprieve
from a colleague
you held too tight
the card game
when you should have held
the heart game
heart is what matters

all a matter of priority
where we place our value(s)
where we place the importance of things
over
the importance of humanity
no one can get that cold
unless
some puppet of other's design
you were bought and sold
like a slave
no more
no less

As a slave goes
you had a high position
but you also had
an ace in your hole
a dream that that would be more
than what you didnt feel here
for us
because
you
didnt fit
odd man out
oddball
you felt distanced by your experience
no quite fitting in the cog
the wheel
but trying until
the grind
ground you to the ground
and you
overreacted
or did you plan this
from long ago
part of a pact
from that surly beast
that makes men hurl
at how ugly it can get

dont go there
close the door
it wasnt meant to open
but you obsessed so
you are what you think
that's the way it goes
so lets think
what do we really want
and go for that
PLEASE!!!

If you knew
how much I cared for you
but couldnt get to you
because of distance
fences
apriori thought
feelings rot in you
thought nothing
and you paid the price
for iggying
the most human part of you
that would help you
open the door
to your soul
and reveal
your humanity to the world
dont close up
get into it child
it hurts until the sunshines again
and then you are renewed
and then all that shit
is behind you
not ahead of you
not you now
you are more than the sum part
of the shit that is made
because we just so happen to live
in a place where
that is what happens
as a natural occurrence
not that any one of us
really want it that way
it is that
way
get use to it
experience it
get over it
move on

these lessons
are hard hard hard
as life is
on Planet Pain
but we can turn it around again
as we use our spiritual/soulful gifts
for constructive future purposes
if we are
what we think
what we eat
what we do
we got a lot of more positive
thinking
eating
and
doing to do
until we do it right
this time
never deny how important
your humanity
your fraility
your human weakness
this makes you strong
your human weakness
it is I concur
an enigma
that's life
on planet pain
where love's loss
is heart's gain

I grieve for you
and wish you arent part
of surly beast thought
rather
just got stuck
without a master plan
a way out of the woods
when you were lost
three numbers only were needed
for that life line
you knew that
why did you react so
360?
the number reads nine-eleven
not seven-eleven
and why hickory sticks for breakfast
you took some heavy chems in that
brew
that fake food
dr's should know better than
waste away
didnt heart mean anything to you
nothing?
why not?
brain without heart is empty
a hallowed hall of bits and bites
i didnt mean to say anything
that would make you go off
you were already gone
someone controlled your soul
and they didnt have a return policy
you had no choice
did you?
did you?
I'd call for a complete INTERNAL REVIEW
I'd know how
to do this but
you dont want to believe
heart people
know anything
yet i know i know everything
i need to know to survive
it is right here
(written on my heart)
I LOVE YOU.

jj 06 11 09