Magpie #2 Hotel Forum: Brats in Slava

Dear Hotel Manager and Staff of the Hotel Bratslava:

It has come to my attention that the Hotel Brats in Slava are really burning my tailfeathers. Often I have gone to this fine establishment in the past and have had a wonderful experience, but this time, on my last journey, I have been noticed the brats milling around the entrance to this fine four star flagship of a hotel; the Hilton or the Grand Hotels its only rival.
When will will this fine yet somewhat extravagant venue realize riff-raff is just not good for business? Having all those Avril Lavigne clones spitting on the guests as they arrive gives the Americans a less than idealized vacation full of fun and relaxation. How long until the punksters find fun in finding walls to tear down, glasnost to be revisited and the meaning behind Gorbachev's odd map on his forehead?
Last year's visit to The Bratslava was well-intentioned. Not a brat to found anywhere! Suddenly, and without fanfare or trumpet, the Brats of the Bratslava Hotel show up out of the blue. It was if they were waiting for my party of fun-loving Americans, hoping to cash in on the scene, which although a borrowed art form was really the fault to the British Pop scene in the early 1980's.
I made a hasty retreat to my room, did not visit the daily early morning sweims, nor did I enjoy the pleasures, like the sauna and spa found in these four star chateaus de excellence.
Will leavingabruptly with my wife out the back door of the Hotel my wife noticed something rather profound. An effigy of me and my wife hanging from a large willow tree. Of course I was shocked, but not any more shocked than the evidence I found under the marvelous willow. A half-burned match with a note inside which read: "Hope you loved Bratslava; please come again!"
My wife and I looked at each other and both said in an amazing synchronistic fashion; "Oh the Bratslavians are so thoughtful, we definitely will be back next year!"