You Defeated My Girlish Dreams

Cowboy glitch
I'm stuck in the old west
with a dry canteen
and memories of you
and me
when you were my cowboy
and i was wannabe
dont forget
to take me out to the ballgame
the only game in town
which came with the price of admission

admit one
human being
shaking
humbly bumbly bee
shaky lady
rocknroll heaven
waits for no one

time goes by
you can catch up
only ride besides
you didnt really know me
too well
my well runs deeper than
what you cared to fish
werent you interested
in other than
less than deep
on the shallow lake
so much was missed

as I change
the change of life
what is it i am changing into
since i was a monster
i should become a raving beauty
maniac

so what ever is fair
in this yin and yang existence
let me tell you
dont get me started
as i start i stop
stopstart
stuck in a rut
rutted like those moose
i use to call
to be my friend
when i wasnt sure
if they wanted to ride me
to save the walking
legs
some times well spent
by the many miles of space
between us now
which is just great for you

didnt aye
just see you
walking by
i said hi
you said hi i think
or held your breath
at the garbage i was putting out
trying to clean out the old garbage
from years of neglecting
a need to maintain
a certain quality of noncluttered
free flow
the way it should go
but doesnt
cause i'm rutted
in garbage past
holding onto those things
i really should have let go of years ago
and yet
i hold onto to because
i believe
i really really really like you
and i really really wanted
those dreams I was making to come true
but they didnt
or wouldnt
or wont
not now
not ever
not on your life
or mine

would you
did you
could you
at least pretend
like you did then
that you
really really liked me
even when
you probably didnt
since proof in the pudding
you're not here
so you must have thought
i wasnt good enough
but then why then
did you string me along for so long
only to slowly close
the emotive door
grow cold slowly
sputtering sputnik
couldnt you have just
made me crash n burn
and get over you just as quick
when i think
there may have been
some hold out
some hope
something anyway
which would have said
ya,
but i get this pitiful pit in my stomach
those just knows
it wasnt at all like the way i thought it was
going
and i wanted it to go up
to the sky
and fly high
with promises
and fulfilled dreams
stamped and sealed
not to be
not to be
how could i let it be
when i felt so let down
why would you do that
was i really that bad?

jj 22 09 09