Sunday, December 5, 2010

The Poetry Bus Driving Through Yellow Snow: The Pub Crawler Clan

sliding sideways out the back door
holding onto your skirt so I wouldnt fall
you cant come in here you're on THE no serve list
fuck sé
I'm learnin' Gaelic
lick mo Dick
landed immigrant status
person non gratis still
I'm not free just cheap
and very easy when I'm drunk n Irish
as I must always be
what the hell else do i got
from these devilish genes!
hey don't look that way
you old sod
got to look good
or Mr. Kelly will put in a headlock!
tie that slipknot over me head
would ya bud?
what you mean I got a big irish potato head?
ya wanna fight; step outside ya bstrd!
boys goin' to town with skirts
pushin' and a shovin'
the air thick with androgen
like a dance that doesnt go anywhere
drunken sailors live it up before the shoreleaves
up your irish kilt!
mines red and green
like Christmas all year
you'd like to see the underwear?
I'll never leave my senses
I've line up for a shot
like John Wayne in The Quiet Man
I'm fricken LOUD when I'm drunk!
more like that redhead
Maureen O'Sullivan
Dont she have a bar?
She's been called to the bar?
That golden one in heaven
God bless her!
at Molly Blooms the Rounds on us
Could you play The Jarabe Tapatío
requests some drunk each night
We're not in friggin' Mexico
Maybe I am!
All laugh and fall to the ground
the crawlers take in the sweat and the mud and the stinky old beer
or When Irish Eyes or Smilin'
Ah shuddup
or Danny Boy?
Somebody die?
rememberin' when we were only a little bit lost
we girl boys who knew not
Not done yet; we're off to meet and have
some meat and potatoes
or the dreaded corn beef and cabbage
Ugh that'll get me goin'
to the place I'm always prayin' too
and maybe some pub food, like tater wedges
now I got a wedgy
feck off!
hey pull that out of my butt?
15 minutes of fame are up; bar none for the Irish
only the best
yet to come!
gonna get some!
Next we meet at the Mighty Quinns and Fancy Lacey's
Round the corner I get the spins Sheets to the Wind!
Geary's on Third
A more refined place
to make music stage right
on fresh line and morris wallpaper
I let go a bowlfull of comeup agin bangers and mash
By now I've downed a Mickey at Rooney's
spit hooved and demonic at Black Donnellys!
The Black Swan was meditative and quiet
as I composed myself somewhat then back again
on the downward backstair spiral
glowing red embers lit the piss made antifreeze
pavement near the gate from Hades at O'Hallorans
the alley bar behooves us, moves us to shake faster
trippin the light fantastic we're not done yet
in with that swank swirlin' dirvishness O'Malley's
faster and faster we go spun out like ceiling fan
splayed like those displayed fish heads on my dish
queasey swish it's coming up again
time for a leak and Timothy Leary's
and I got a flash back
dont need to crawl when I should walk
or at least take Kat's Poetry Bus!
damn dwirlin' swervishness feekn swags!
here the men all look like old hags
and I thought I was one for tonight only
a star I'd sing Karoke drunk as usual
couldnt be from an uppercruster encounter
how will i ever show my face
I'll have to change sex fast
rather than the nitty gritty of underbelly
Uncle Nitty he did it
given me half a chance to prove it
and all this for a chance encounter
with the angel on my shoulder!
twas Micky's secret
prove it to me be a man and move in with us
All night slosh at the endless ontap dregs
got a smoke? pour another, with a head
we've got more swillin' to do
start with shots
20cc od CC
ends with her walkin' out
slam of the door
and the sound of broken bottles
in the back alley
hellish earth-shattering sounds
my baby left me

this needs an audit! Traditional Mexican Hat Dance!
for A very modern version of the Mexican Hat Dance!
Pogue Mahone Irish Pub - 19 reviews - Place page - 777 Bay Street, Toronto - (416) 598-3339
Brazen Head Irish Pub -

49 reviews - Place page - 165 East Liberty Street, Toronto - (416) 535-8787
Overdraught Irish Pub - 9 reviews - Place page - 156 Front Street West, Toronto - (416) 408-3925
Irish Embassy Pub & Grill -

22 reviews - Place page - 49 Yonge Street, Toronto - (416) 866-8282
Pour House Irish Pub - 9 reviews - Place page - 182 Dupont Street, Toronto - (416) 967-7687
Mullins Irish Pub - 3 reviews - Place page - 1033 Bay Street, Toronto - (416) 963-3000
The Westin Harbour Castle -

579 reviews - Place page - 1 Harbour Square, Toronto - (416) 869-1600
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  1. Those devilish genes! I think we're talking full-blown possession here, Chiccoreal!

    Whew! I'm exhausted just reading it, but it WAS a wild ride, to be sure.

    (What's all the stuff at the end though?)

    Thanks for spinning this like nobody's business!


  2. A mad rambling pub crawl of a poem and like all good pub crawls it got bettter and better the longer it meandered. Raucous, riotous, rebellious and I love the touch of reality with trhe virtual Kato Bus!Glad to have you back aboard. Fantsatico chicco!

  3. Kinda think you're channeling J Joyce on a bender here! Well done!

  4. perfecto. after this i have no need at all to go be irish in the pub. it's all right here!

  5. Brilliantly described the Irish pubs spirit, so fluent, it took me in with both hands and threw out at the end of the outstanding ride, everything was so easy to believe, so rough and realistic at the same time.